my take on L.A.

Ten Years

2011-09-08T00:11:00.000-07:00

I realized on Monday that Sunday marked our ten year anniversary as residents of Los Angeles. Wow. In that ten years:

My two dalmatians from Arkansas (Holly and Piper) passed and we got two mixed breed California dogs (Felicity/The Doodlebug and Buster).
I left a cult, was part of a theatre company, left that one to start another (theatre cult) and left that one as well.
I went on a lot of auditions, did some acting work and figured out that it wasn't exactly what I expected when I was a youth in the South and Midwest. It's a lot less glamorous than it seems, and it doesn't pay as well unless you're a name star.
I got into dancing again and made my nest in burlesque.
I had three and a half jobs. I worked as a driver for one person for four months after I moved to town, learning the layout of the city. I then worked for the cult-associated business from late 2001 until two years ago. I've been working at my current job since last year in March. The half job I'm counting would be all the temping and project work I did that wasn't a daily paycheck.
I've lived in three places: a studio apartment, a one-bedroom apartment and the house I'm in now.
I've gained and lost weight a couple times.

Ten years. I'm not where I expected to be in life after ten years in Los Angeles, but I like where I am. I can't complain.

My Newest Challenge

2011-06-16T22:48:00.000-07:00

I have two big challenges for this year. (One of my special skills is counting things. Okay, that's a joke from an acting resume Andrew and I once read, but it still plays well.) First challenge: take 100 dance classes. I just finished class #35 last weekend so I have a long way to go. Second challenge: get through my Rosetta Stone French course.

You see, the things we do today have to contribute to where, what and who we want to be tomorrow. I want to perform in France. It only makes sense that I would be able to speak enough French to manage myself as a business person when I do that. For me to negotiate those gigs two years from now, I need to learn French now. So Andrew and I bought the entire Rosetta Stone French package.

Andrew was dreadful with French in college. (Sorry, honey, you totally were.) With this software, he's understanding the material and making progress. What's especially cool is that he enjoys doing it. He's keeping up with me pretty well.

I don't know that I'll get through everything by Christmas, but I'm going to try my damnedest. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

From the Ashes

2011-04-25T10:01:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted here in a while. I've been a bit more regular on my dancer blog. I've been getting all deeply personal on this one in the past year.

My dancing career is going very well. My goal was to dance in six different states this year (besides my beloved Golden State). It's April and I've danced in Texas (Dallas, San Antonio & Denton), New Mexico (Albuquerque) and Nevada (Las Vegas). As I type this on my iPod, I'm en a plane to Boston to dance tomorrow night. I'm in Chicago to train and perform in two weeks and my home state of Arkansas (Hot Springs & Little Rock) the following weekend. That's six and the year isn't half over. I'm looking into hitting a couple others before the year is out, but airfare has skyrocketed in the past month.

Andrew and I have been busy repairing the damage our Scientology involvement did to our credit. To be fair, Scientology didn't ruin our credit. We were the idiots who believed their hype and worked at jobs that didn't address payroll deductions since we were "independent contractors." I'm proud to say that this is the first year since our initial involvement with Scientology (1999) that we haven't owed more money when we filed our return. Hell yes!

Without the burden of administrating a theatre company (weekly executive shouting matches--er, meetings, stressing about paying for this and that, trying to keep members involved and memberships high so the dues could pay for bare bones productions, dickish accusations, shouting, rewards not outweighing the effort or expense), Andrew and I have both been able to focus on the careers we want. He's been actively working on more material with his comedy partner, working on scripts and short film ideas. Did I mention we're happier without the drama and the yelling?

We made a puppy love connection. Buster (wiener dog & Staffordshire terrier mix) has been a member of our household for two months. I'll share a photo when I'm not on a plane. :). We met him right before I flew to Albuquerque and picked him up as soon as I got home. I fell in love with his pretty blue eyes. He's seven months old and a terrible rascal. He's still learning he lives with a showgirl and that feathers are not games. He and Felicity get along wonderfully. We were finally able to afford to get Felicity spayed at an animal hospital. Expensive, but she's considered an old dog at five and therefore at risk. It's a happy, healthy, active little family.

Last in my string of good news is my next large costume project. It fits perfectly with the title of this blog. I'll start construction in May after my trips.

At thirtysomething, I'm glad I finally started getting rid of stressful components of my life that weren't rewarding enough for the work they required. I feel pretty zen.

Moving On

2011-01-13T09:46:00.000-08:00

Here's another one of those deeply personal stories.

When I was sixteen, my best friend and I felt we were equipped to have babies. We knew we could care for them (I came from a large family), and we knew we'd be able to love them and raise them well because we were both very smart. In fact, we were so smart that we didn't go out to find some random guy to knock us up just so we could experience motherhood. We just enjoyed the idea of having a baby at that age.

When I was seventeen, I met my perfect match. I went on birth control shortly after meeting him because I didn't want a baby to get in the way of this blossoming relationship. The stresses I could bear alone at sixteen were too much for a relationship at seventeen. We both had plans for college, and it had been made clear to us that babies were not to be part of the picture for a few years by my future in-laws. We married six months after we met, and we started purchasing and collecting baby things and toys for when we would eventually have children.

When I was twenty, we decided to try our luck at baby making. If we timed it just right, I'd get into grad school a year late and we'd have a school-age child when we were ready to find work in our trained fields. Alas, the stars didn't align in our window of opportunity so we decided to wait a little while before trying again. We also decided not to go to grad school or start our careers yet.

When I was 23, we decided to try again. We'd heard miracles of people who couldn't get pregnant all of a sudden having babies after doing Scientology, something about mental blocks having a physical effect on the body. After a couple years of trying, we decided to stop. Early warning signs for us that Scientology was not the miracle elixir the church touted it to be.

When I was 27, we decided to give it another go. This time we improved our nutrition and did the basal temperature readings and the ovulation tests. Baby making became a chore and wasn't as fun or as fast as it was supposed to be. We read a bunch of articles and books trying to figure it all out. We turned a room in our home into a bit of a nursery (painting it light blue, putting all our stuffed toys on shelves, not really using the room). Still no luck. We decided to stop worrying about it and it stopped becoming a point of stress. The nursery became a home office.

When I was almost 34, I saw a couple doctors to see if my parts were broken. All the tests seemed to come out okay, but seven years of unrestricted loving hadn't resulted in a baby. It's entirely possible that the severe childhood illnesses Andrew and I both suffered cooked our production areas. Still not stressing about it. In fact, we're not worried about what happens either way.

I turn 35 next month. No baby yet. Of course, if we had kids our lives would be completely different. We're now focusing on our careers. If we get an interruption of a child, so be it. We're also cleaning out our closets of the stashed baby clothes and books we've accumulated over the past 17 years. We've moved those things with us so many times and we're both tired of having the space in our home occupied by a box of stuff we may never use.

I don't share this for pity. I love my life. I share this so people may understand why not everyone has children. Maybe they'll stop asking in polite conversation, "So, are you planning on having children?"

The Next Step

2010-12-25T14:32:00.001-08:00

I've spent the past several months wanting to take my dance career to the next level, but I wasn't sure what that next level was exactly. It's hard to draw a path to your goals when you don't know what those goals are.

Andrew spent some time talking goals and plans with me after he covered them in his film business class. I spent lots of time thinking about what I want and where I want to be in five years. Frustrating and time consuming, the stress from thinking and planning led to a sense of peace and power. I'm no longer going where the wind takes me. I have doable goals for the next five years, goals that will bring me career success and leave time for the all-important home life.

I've spent my holiday weekend making pasties for my shows in two states in the first two months of 2011. I'm also teaching on my own in January. It's going to be a very good year.

Half of My Heart

2010-12-09T16:37:00.001-08:00

I've spent most of my semester dealing with Piper's death. Sure, I go to school and work and dance and socialize, but I'm constantly reminded that my household has three members instead of four. This must be how a breakup feels.

I've changed my life and made some adaptations since she died. One head to smooch before we head out the door. One bowl to fill three times a day. One dog to let under the covers in the middle of the night. We've created new rituals with Felicity, taking her on Sunday morning walks through the neighborhood and making games with her on the living room floor. Pipey got pissed off when we'd make games.

I don't have many of her personal belongings around anymore. Andrew understood why I took down Holly's photos when she died and immediately followed suit with Piper's. We still have her last collar. We also have her old couch that Felicity wouldn't let us jettison after she passed; she hopped on the cushions as Andrew was trying to remove them.

We've been trying to "date," going to adoption events and private homes to look at dogs. The last pup we saw was adorable, but she wasn't Piper. We tried bringing a different pup home, but she was like that person you make out with at a party when you're on the rebound and you immediately regret it. Or at least that's what I'm guessing it's like. I didn't really experience a breakup so I have to rely on other people's tales or love songs for that information.

I don't know how long we're going to have to "date" before we find the one. It's torture. I keep getting my hopes up to get them shot down. I try distracting myself from my seemingly endless grief with more and more activity, and that doesn't always work. I feel like I'm trapped in a breakup song, and not a good one at that.

Guess it's time to check craigslist again for more potential love connections.

Shelter From the Storm

2010-10-31T01:44:00.001-07:00

This year has been insane with life changes. It reminds me of February 2006 and all its craziness. Of course, something good always come of it.

We're still getting used to having one dog. I think Felicity looks for Pipey outside our yard at times. We keep looking for a new dog that will fit our family. We even brought home a pup, but she was so nervous that she made Felicity tremble. Andrew said she had nervous quivers on the ride home & she had nervous poops when we were in line at the pet store getting her a collar. It was a bad sign that she collapsed on the dirt outside the pet store and refused to move. We took her back and continue our search.

I had a couple wisdom teeth removed three weeks ago. I went to USC dental school and they did a great job. Of course, my jaw is still sore at times when I eat bread. I should return in late winter to get the other two removed.

I'm leaving the theatre company I helped found, the one I urged Andrew to start after our past experience in a theatre company. I've already stepped down from management. I think the company could thrive if it dropped dues and pushed for personal responsibility. Andrew wrote up an entire plan to do away with dues and get more aggressive with fundraising, and the other executives didn't feel its discussion was a priority. The last two executive meetings I attended felt like interventions with more finger pointing and yelling than I need in my life right now. I care greatly about the members, but we already established that I'm not going to donate my time, money and energies to be yelled at and punished for not being "involved enough." I hope our departure beings about some positive changes for them.

I'm taking a couple college classes. I'm doing okay in my law & media class with the ol' grades, but I'm learning a lot from the book and the guest speakers (entertainment lawyers). I'm also taking a dance history and appreciation class, which is filling in gaps in my understanding of the evolution of dance. It's been great.

With the big changes this year, I'm able to stay grounded because of my career and my home life. It's a blessing to be able to dance and teach - doing something I love and getting paid for it. And my little cave of seclusion with Andrew and Felicity helps keep me on track. I have some great friends and family who support my choices, and I'm grateful.

Now, it's about time for something really awesome to happen.

I'm waiting. :)

So Long, Old Friend

2010-10-04T16:36:00.000-07:00

It's taken me two weeks to recover enough to blog about this. The Friday night I was dancing in New Orleans, Piper passed. I was out of town so my grieving process was delayed. When I returned home, I hit the ground running with work, school and teaching.

Piper was a total ploy. Holly was three, a girl I worked with had dalmatian puppies, and I decided Holly needed a playmate. (Holly tore a path of destruction through our lives as an only dog, destroying boots, videotapes, leather jackets, etc.) And, in truth, I thought Andrew deserved his own dog. So I spent weeks convincing him to just go look at the puppies with me, and I eventually sold him on buying one. He rolled with the stinky puppies like a five year-old, and I selected Piper. We brought her home and she and Holly bonded quickly. Holly was smart and cranky, Piper was dumb and happy.

When Holly passed, Piper didn't seem lonely. We brought Felicity home the day after Holly died, and Piper was very accepting. Felicity would coerce her into making games. They slept on each other and groomed one another. As Piper got older, Felicity would let her sleep and went about her own business. But she has a lot of lonely moments now that Piper is gone and I haven't found the right pup to add to our pack.

Piper started having physical problems a few years ago. Her hips were messed up, she had skin issues, she had trouble with her ears. She had more good days than bad days, but she slipped while running into the kitchen for treats more times than she successfully jumped through a hoop. We knew we were wearing out another dog, and we were glad we didn't have to have her put down.

The grieving process has been strange for me. Piper was very much Andrew's dog, but I spent a lot of time with her when my employment changed last summer. She would curl up by my feet under the desk while I trolled the Internet for work. She got used to having me around for the 10:30am stretch in the yard. When I got work, she'd bark when I got home before Felicity woke up, and she usually got an extra minute or two in the yard before we were joined by Felicity. It's the change of routine that chokes me up. She was always there, even if she was underfoot. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be the first Tuesday since it happened that I won't have a breakdown in my living room between work and school.

But we cope. And we deal. And I keep hunting for a mixed breed pup that will fit in with us, even if Andrew isn't ready yet.

Getting Sane

2010-09-10T08:09:00.001-07:00

I feel as if I've been running around unfocused for a few months. It seems like I had so much to do but I don't get it all done. I was getting horribly forgetful about a lot of things and I didn't understand why.

I then started making lists again. I find lists quite therapeutic. I write down all the tasks I need to tackle that day and mark them off as I get them done. I've felt so much calmer since I started making lists again. I'm less loopy in life.

Now I can cross blogging about lists off my list.

My Eighth John Mayer Concert!

2010-08-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

I'm totally behind in posting about this experience. I saw this show at Staples Center on March 25, 2010.

Here's my most important memory of that concert:

John Mayer Day is a holiday in our household. It's all geared toward a celebration of music and having a good time. We were in our eh seats between the opening act and the main event when seated guy (henceforth known as Douchebag, or DB for short) bumped Beer Guy who was walking down the stairs, turning one of beer guy's plastic cups of domestic draft into a waterfall down the stairs. I watched it sadly run past six or eight aisles before it rolled off the edge of the seating area. DB and Beer Guy exchanged a few words, Beer Guy disappointed and DB refusing to take responsibility for what he'd done. This upset me greatly. Sure, Beer Guy had terrible taste in beer, but it was John Mayer Day. Because of DB's actions, Beer Guy was at risk of spending the entire concert frustrated about DB and the beer incident instead of enjoying the show with his lady friend. I could see he was irritated. Andrew could see that I was distressed about it.

Andrew marched over to Beer Guy and offered to buy him a replacement beer because no one should suffer on John Mayer Day. Andrew fetched Beer Guy another domestic brew, they toasted John Mayer Day, and Beer Guy was all smiles. Things were finally right with the world again.

After the concert (amazing, as per usual), we passed a street musician playing guitar outside the venue. Andrew dropped $7 in his case and we strolled down the street. He explained to me that Beer Guy gave him his last $7 toward the cost of the replacement beer, insisting that he take it. We didn't have cash on hand when we passed the street musician on the way in, so this provided him with the folding money he needed to tip the busker. No one should suffer on John Mayer Day.

It was nice being able to take public transportation to the show, and it was my first time to go to Staples Center. I wish I had better seats but now I know a guy who can help me with that next time. :)

Donate!

2010-08-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't really done much fundraising in my life. I sold Girl Scout cookies as a kid, did the March of Dimes read-a-thon in elementary school, and I asked for some donations for Theatre Unleashed during our first season. I don't hit people up all the time to help me raise money for some cause or other. I've proven myself far better at donating to causes, like AIDS projects, breast cancer, scouts and zoos.

My breast cast goes on the auction block next Saturday. I have until then to raise $1000 if I want to bring it home with me. I love the cast and the artwork by Ken Ruzic is amazing, but my drive here is to raise money for Keep-A-Breast Foundation. This is from their website:

The Keep A Breast Foundation™ is a 501 (c) (3) non-profit organization. Our mission is to help eradicate breast cancer by exposing young people to methods of prevention, early detection and support. Through art events, educational programs and fundraising efforts, we seek to increase breast cancer awareness among young people so they are better equipped to make choices and develop habits that will benefit their long-term health and well-being.

It's a very hip organization and I love what they do. I need your help to make this fundraising goal because Keep-A-Breast is awesome. You can donate to my cast here. Every donation counts, even if it's a few bucks. Heck, if you want to place a bid over $1000 so you can take my breast cast home for your own mantle then that's great! Everything donated on my fundraising page goes directly to Keep-A-Breast. If I raise enough to bring it home, I'll mail everyone who donated a photo of me with the cast. Help me raise money for this great organization via my boobs. :)

Breast News

2010-07-28T15:13:00.000-07:00

I modeled (I guess that's the best term for it) for a breast cast for Keep A Breast Foundation in January. My breast cast was shipped to an artist who painted it with a whimsical Tiki motif (more on him in an upcoming blog). The final cast will be auctioned off at Tiki Oasis in August, and all funds raised from the auction will go to Keep A Breast Foundation to support early detection and breast cancer awareness.

There are over twenty breast casts that are going to be auctioned off at this event. It would be fun to win my own breast cast at this auction, so you will see information to donate to Keep A Breast for my cast over the coming days. If I raise more money than the bids on my cast at the auction, I'll get to have my boobs on my mantle. But if I don't raise more money than is bid by someone else, everyone still wins. Keep A Breast will still get every dime raised (which is easy since I'm going to raise it via their website), my boobs will still be immortalized and their plaster form will land on someone's mantle. I want to use my internet connections and wealth of friends to help this cause. So keep an eye on this page over the next few days for donation information. Every little bit helps and no donation is too small.

The Road to Freedom, or My Last Scientology Blog

2010-07-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

In five years of blogging, I've referenced Scientology by name once or twice. You'd think that if it was so great and was totally making my life unbelievable I'd talk about it more. So I'm opening up about everything now, and giving the Little Golden Book version of why I quit Scientology and sold thousands of dollars worth of Scientology materials for a whopping $250. This may seem a little scattered, but I have twelve years to pack into one blog entry so bear with me.

When I graduated college, Andrew and I had a rough run at life. Things weren't shaping up as we expected and we weren't sure what to do to someday have fame and fortune. Bright, curious and logical, we found out about Scientology. The workability (as marketed with slick ads and catchy slogans) appealed to us; it was cool that there was a scientific approach to the problems of the human spirit. We bought books, devoured them, made improvements in our own lives after self reflection, then moved to a place where we worked in hopes to go "Clear" in exchange for that work.

The people we worked with were kind, overworked and underpaid. We spent roughly 60 hours a week with these people and brought home up to $150 a week each. (Most weeks were closer to $35 paychecks, and there were several weeks where we didn't get paid at all because the church's rent had to be paid.) Andrew and I worked for a Scientology business owner who was incredibly sweet and made sure we were able to afford our own rent and groceries. In the church, we saw a lot of yelling (largely from upper management, the people who were supposed to guide this religion that allegedly made people very chill in life and able to handle anything that came up). If that was the case, why all the yelling when someone hired one less person this week than last? There were too many mouths to feed anyway. Why did we work there? We expected to go "Clear" during our 2.5 year contract (didn't happen) and we figured Los Angeles would be easier to tackle if we did this first. If we could live through this, we could do anything. That part was true.

We left our friends from the church to move to Los Angeles where we knew no one. We immediately trotted to Celebrity Centre, expecting them to help advise us on how to get acting work. Andrew and I also started working for Scientology business owners, a decision that kept us tied to the church for many years for job security. To get free courses, we worked with a woman who liked to yell at and invalidate people to get them to take courses and buy auditing. That experience was dreadful. Throughout our years connected to Scientology, neither of us understood how people who had completed so many levels of Scientology training and auditing could be such assholes. Not everyone was an asshole, but you couldn't spit without hitting at least three assholes in the church. We saw a lot more yelling, and we were yelled at on several occasions by those people who were supposed to help us on our spiritual journey. We started making our own connections in the industry, people who weren't part of the church, and very few of them were assholes.

Working for Scientologists had its pros and cons. I worked with some very nice people at my job and made some nice bonuses. Andrew's boss gave him bonuses to spend on Scientology so the boss would be in good standing with the church by keeping his employee on the righteous path. (I think we bought DVDs or paid bills with the bonuses.) Scientology business owners have to join the Scientology business owner league, WISE. As WISE members, their employees had to prove each year that they were studying the materials of their jobs; when they were done with those, they had to prove that they were completing Scientology courses. That was the pressure that kept me doing something half-ass with the church for four years. I didn't want to get my employers in trouble and I wanted to still have a job. I thought it was bullshit but I played along. I left that job last year.

In the past year, I've explored the websites and watched the videos that the church deemed "off limits." You see, Scientologists are supposed to be able to face anything without flinching, so the legal branch of the church labeled certain things "entheta," which actually means presenting an unflattering or contrary opinion of Scientology. I'm hoping to be labeled entheta. :) I found out about human rights violations, physical abuse, coercion and lies galore. Not what one would expect from a logic-based religion. I initially thought the problem was with the current leadership and considered keeping my Hubbard attributed books, CD lectures and DVDs to study when management inevitably changes. After more poking around, I figured out that Hubbard wasn't the church-touted "mankind's greatest friend." I'll hold my swears here to maintain some shred of credibility for those friends I still have inside who are maybe considering life outside the church. But I had so many swears, so much disappointment, that I pulled all of my Hubbard attributed materials out, thousands of dollars worth, and sold a huge chunk for a whopping $250. It's hard to sell something for more money when you feel it's worthless.

Fortunately, we didn't have a lot of money to spend on church "donations," meaning set fees to accomplish certain benchmarks of spiritual freedom. I paid my annual "membership" fees for a few years, even though I had huge disagreements. Most of our investment was in books and time. I learned a lot about myself when I was involved in Scientology, but that's because I'm very self-reflective. I spend a lot of time thinking and researching and reading and thinking and thinking.

Now my bookshelves are clear (zing!) and my life is better without that burden. I'm doing what I love, and I'm far happier now than when I was involved with the church.

"That's the way this wheel keeps working out." -- John Mayer

Good Fortune

2010-07-10T08:54:00.001-07:00

I'm very fortunate as a dancer. I'm in Denver right now as part of the inaugural Colorado Burlesque Festival. I danced last night and dance again tonight. It's a lovely city and the locals are very kind.

In August, I'm popping down to Tiki Oasis to see my breast cast for Keep-A-Breast Foundation. My cast s being auctioned off to raise money for breast cancer awareness.

I've been invited back to New Orleans Burlesque Festival to dance at House of Blues in September. I do love that city and am looking forward to returning.

My next planned venture out of state after that is another round of shows and classes in the DFW in December. They were very warm and welcoming there. I live the South.

I love that my life puts me in so many cool places, meeting so many cool people and doing something I really enjoy.

Getting Excited

2010-06-04T10:07:00.000-07:00

It's hard for me to get excited about going to see a play. That's pretty embarrassing because helped found a theatre company. I'd rather spend $15 on pizza delivery and stay in my living room to watch Out Cold again than drop $30 to $50 for Andrew and me to see a bad play in a black box theater. At least I'm being honest, right?

Last night I danced in a fundraiser for Hollywood Fringe Fest. Fellow Theatre Unleashed founding member Gregory Crafts has a play in the festival - Friends Like These - a wonderful play about what high school really feels like. Andrew and I are in The WRONG Show, a burlesque show that is just so wrong it's right. (He plays a young Hitler and I play a young Eva Braun in "I Was a Teenage Hitler.") Of course I support the works that are very dear to me, but it took last night for me to get excited about seeing plays again.

There are so many shows to see and I'm dancing in Colorado next month so I have to be smart with my money. Here's where I'm putting my money this year:

The Fuxedos with Fish Circus - Okay, this isn't a play. The Fuxedos played the first WRONG Show and have played a couple other burlesque shows. Hilarious and disturbing. Fish Circus played Mister T's Bowl in Highland Park back when I was dancing Burlesque A-Go-Go. Interesting, strange and very entertaining. I insisted Andrew buy tickets right away when we found out they were playing together.
Happy Birthday, Mom - I met the playwright last night. She was absolutely charming. When I sat down to read the flier (which tells you what the play is about - good on her!), I was hooked. Keywords from the synopsis: mom, craigslist, leather, sex.
Back to You: A Dear John (Mayer) Letter - This is one of those "You had me at hello" kinds of plays. Put John Mayer in the title and I'm there, wearing a John Mayer tee and a John Mayer hoodie (because that's how I dress all the time). And using a song title from Room For Squares is brilliant.

There are a lot of shows in this festival, but I'm performing in at least five shows that week (possibly six) and have to work around that schedule. It reminds me of picking what shows to see at the Hot Springs Documentary Film Festival in my late teens and early twenties. What's nice is that there are enough options and tastes to keep me excited about it.

Making Time

2010-05-31T17:07:00.001-07:00

At the advice of my closest friend Angie, I'm trying to ease up on my dance schedule so I don't go out of my mind. My June is still busy, but I'm making an effort to work on the quality of my performances above the quantity of my performances.

Following that logic, I'm trying to put in more quality time with my friends. I find it helps build and strengthen relationships when they don't just take place at work. I was able to spend many hours visiting with my friend Michelle when I wa in Texas. It was a great time to really connect and het to know her.

Before I left for Texas, I shot a short film with Jenn and found out she was job hunting, and I've come up with some potential job ideas for her since. I also carpooled to a rehearsal near Ventura County with Julia and learned about the technical side of hair weaves.

I spent quality time with some friends at home this week that I might not have otherwise. I visited with Lili into the wee hours of the morning over breakfast after a blues fundraiser. I danced a bachelor party with Adria and spent a couple hours catching up and talking about LOST. I did a short film with Katalin and found out she's a dog person over our breaks. And I spent a huge chunk of today just charting with Angie.

In this fast-paced world, we don't take the time to get to know one another as perhaps we should. I hope to make more time with my friends henceforth. We'll call it a Mid-Year Resolution.

Wet Bacon

2010-05-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

I love food. Andrew knows that the way to entice me to visit a new establishment is to show me the menu first. If the food sounds good enough, I'm sold. He also knows that I love barbecue, so what better way to spend Mother's Day than trying out a new (to us) barbecue place?

Barbecue tastes like my childhood home. One summer my dad barbecued hamburgers every Sunday and I took cold hamburgers for lunch every day for the rest of the week. We would celebrate anything we could with barbecued chicken, smoked ham, venison, whatever. The family recipe for barbecue sauce was ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, onion and garlic powder, and whatever other spices seemed interesting, all added in unmeasured quantities. Our tasty meats were usually accompanied by potato salad and grilled corn. I didn't start eating the cole slaw side until I had a barbecue sandwich from Corky's Barbecue in Memphis where they put the slaw on the sandwich. I've slawed my sandwich since.

Even though times are tight, he thought we should have one splurge at a barbecue place near our theater. The selling point: it smelled good outside. We went inside and ordered the cheapest meals on the menu - the sandwich platters (one sandwich and one side) for $9.75 each. I expect a lot out of a $10 sandwich, especially when I can go to the grocery store for a bucket of shredded pork in sauce that lasts two meals for two people for about $7. This sliced pork should be amazing. We got a side of cole slaw to decorate our sandwiches and a side of potato salad, then a couple beers to chase it. Our meal totaled $30, so our expectations were high.

The best part of the meal (besides eating to "Get Off" by Prince playing on the juke box) was the beer. I tasted Shock Top for the first time at the JM concert in March. The barbecue sauce was decent, and I liked how they solved the exploding white bread problem from the weight of the barbecue with an extra slice of bread in the middle of the sandwich. I did not like how the cuts of meat were at least half fat. The edges of my bread looked like there were slices of wet bacon. It definitely wasn't worth $9.75. I peeled the wet bacon parts from the edges of the bread to take home to dogs so I got some value from them. The sandwich was good without the wet bacon but I could've made something better (and cheaper and meatier) at home. And the potato salad was the same straight-out-of-the-carton stuff we served at Magic Springs when I was fourteen.

I have a feeling we won't be returning to give this place a second chance. We're not masochists. I'm really looking forward to my Texas trip next week so I can get some real Southern barbecue.

Putting One Foot in Front of the Other

2010-05-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

It's confession time. I often feel overwhelmed. Of course, I am overwhelmed. I take on too many projects because I like helping people, someone has to take care of things, I'm really passionate about it, I don't want to get bored, blah blah blah. I can't complain about the wonderful opportunities that have come my way, but I still feel overwhelmed in many areas of my life. I make to-do lists, and I find there are things I've left off the lists when I start marking off what I've done. On top of it all, I don't feel like I'm allowed to take breaks. It's like I think the world is going to end if I take a nap or spend an entire day not answering emails. It's pretty ridiculous.

Most of my activities are of my own choosing. I have preparation for my video application for New Orleans Burlesque Festival because I absolutely loved being there last year. I'm performing in the Hollywood Fringe Festival in "The Wrong Show." I'll need to find a new venue for my own burlesque show for the last two shows this year since TU can't afford to keep the space, but I really want to keep doing my show. I'm going to Texas in two weeks. I've been accepted to perform in the Colorado Burlesque Festival in July. I'm not spending tons of money on new numbers, but I'm trying to stay challenged by using what I have to dance to different music for themed shows. I decide to do these things, and I know all too well that there's stress attached to each and every one of them. I just need to figure out how to stay challenged yet stay on top of things so I don't feel as overwhelmed all the time.

Drifting

2010-04-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

I've been missing in action from this blog for a little over a month. A lot has happened, and I hate burdening my readers with the not-so-great stuff. I was disappointed by a colleague and had a project dropped in my lap (along with a few other people) that had to be done. I also ended a long-term relationship with an organization. Those are really all the details I feel like posting here. You can email me if you can't piece it all together from my random posts over the past few months.

Anyway, a lot of great stuff has happened to overshadow the other nonsense. I've been busy in the burlesque world. Not as many performances on the books this year as in the past two years, but I'm focusing on quality of performances instead of quantity. I've culled some costumes, reworked others. I have a creative team working on a big, fancy costume for me. I'm not creating as many new routines this year as I have in the past two years. I'm planning a weekend Texas tour that includes four shows, two classes and three modeling shoots. And the burlesque show I produce is finding its way. I'm writing original sketches for the show and have a Latvian pop singer performing in June.

I'm working a couple jobs that can accommodate my freelance artist schedule. I'm really happy with these jobs. They don't care what I do when I leave work, and they don't mind if I work on other projects in my downtime at the office.

I directed The Bear, a short play by Anton Chekhov, translated by George Malko. I'm the girl you call in to direct make-out scenes. I'm delighted that I got to direct a Chekhov because I studied some Chekhov in college, thought it was funny, then was corrected by my professor. Theatre Unleashed's production of The Unserious Chekhov (a collection of his short comedic plays, produced in conjunction with Mr. Malko) is absolutely hilarious. I love The Bear, and I got to direct a husband-wife team in their first show opposite each other. It was a great deal of fun for me.

I've been writing as well. I wrote another short play for a TU 24-hour play festival at the beginning of the month. I've written two original burlesque sketches this month and hope to crank out more. One of the short plays I wrote last year for the TU coffee shop shows is being produced as part of a showcase this summer.

I saw my eighth John Mayer concert in March. I look forward to catching my ninth and tenth in August. Andrew and I had a blast and were able to take a bus to the venue so we didn't have to blow $20 on parking. I'll blog about that show and my new shirts soon.

That's the majority of what I've been doing. The dogs are doing well. Piper turns thirteen in July. She's looking pretty rickety but she's happy and still active. Doodlebug -- er, Felicity -- is, well, doodly.

Growth Spurt

2010-03-03T07:24:00.000-08:00

Here's something funny and awkward. I've had a growth spurt over the past year that has affected me in two places: my chest and my feet. My feet went up about a half size, and my bra is one to three cup sizes larger than I was wearing before (all depending on the bra). It's random, ridiculous and very inconvenient. A lot of my nice shoes don't fit, like the ones I would wear to work or social events. And most of my button-down shirts gape open in the middle when I button them over the chest. So I need to go shopping and swap out parts of my wardrobe for things that fit. My life is hard!

Gullible

2010-02-12T12:59:00.000-08:00

In his early teen years, my older brother was very much into pigeons. (I can't really fault him there since I'm very much into Doodlebug and John Mayer. We all have to have a hobby.) Anyway, he would get all sorts of frilly and fancy pigeons shipped in from across the country for his puzzle box of a pigeon coop. He wanted to breed the birds and needed a sure fire way to determine their sexes. He found an ad in the back of a pigeon trade newsletter for a pigeon sexer. It was easy to use and was only $6.

Now, as a white trash teen who isn't old enough for a real job yet, $6 is quite an investment. (Expenses are all relative to income. I remember spending my entire $2 allowance on a tube of lame bubblegum at the mall when I was seven. I've wasted more on bad Thai food as an adult, but I'm also making a little more than $2 allowance a week.) Multiply that by four and you could get a concert ticket back in the day. So he got his money order and mailed it in, and we waited the six to eight weeks for it to arrive. He opened the package and it was a plastic tube on a string. If you dangled it over the pigeon and it went in circles, it was one sex; if it swayed back and forth like a pendulum, it was the other. It's the same sort of thing housewives do with wedding rings to determine the sex of babies in the womb. He was irritated but he tried it. It worked the opposite of the instructions. He was pissed because he felt like he'd been fleeced. He thought this was actually going to work and he spent his six bucks and several weeks of waiting for a piece of crap that cost less than fifty cents to make. Worse, he put his faith in this object, that it was being represented as honestly and earnestly as he perceived.

When I was in my teens and twenties, I was pretty darn gullible. I wasn't an idiot, I was just naive. I expected everything to be as honest and earnest as I was. When I went to the dean of students with a complaint in college, I thought she actually meant what she said when she told me she cared. In truth, she just wanted me to quitely get the hell out of her school that year so she'd never have to deal with me again. I didn't check for strings in the marionette show of life. Hell, as a kid I believed my dad when he said he'd build me a dollhouse, knowing he had a hard enough time getting important construction projects done around the house. I expected people to deal honestly with me, and I believed the people in charge who were making all sorts of claims and promises weren't bullshitting me (and countless others who crossed their paths).

I'm over thirty now. My bullshit meter has developed and I'm not as gullible. I still expect the best from people. I know they tend to have good intentions. They're a lot like I was, not looking for strings. I know life sometimes gets in the way of good intentions so things don't always work out. Time has wisened me. As my adorable nephew once shouted at a car salesman who was trying to wheel and deal with my sister, "I'm not playing these games anymore!"

Meany

2010-01-30T07:36:00.001-08:00

I've been paid to be a meany and I didn't enjoy it. That's funny to express because I didn't mind being mean to the neighbor kids growing up. The people I was paid to be mean to didn't really deserve the punishment they got.

I had a job over five years ago where I managed an acting class. I was responsible for roll and collecting the checks, booking the stage for acting scenes and answering questions for the students. I was also responsible for disciplinary meetings where I had to tell a student he had to leave because he made another student feel odd during a scene; where I had to give a student a warning for something so minor I can't remember what it was; and, worst of all, where I had to tell a student she couldn't sleep with anyone in class because she slept with someone in class and it never came up in class but she mistakenly told one of her friends from class outside of class that they dated for a short while during their concurrent enrollment. Stupid. Bullshit. I didn't really care what they did so long as the class want interrupted with bullshit. My boss, on the other hand, had certain ideas about how students should conduct themselves in class and in life. And because I didn't stand up for them to my boss, they had an unsatisfactory and unneccessary experience.

What really sucked was the fact that my boss had all the issues with these students and couldn't confront the students to work something out. It also sucked that the "rules" only applied to certain students, like the girl who slept with a guy from class got a reprimand meeting and the guy didn't even get a disapproving glance from the teacher. It was so idiotic.

If you guys are out there and see my blog, know that I didn't want to be a meany and have those stupid meetings with you. I was an enforcer. It doesn't excuse what I did, but I think we're all better off not being in that class if that's how the game is played there.

Life Improvement

2010-01-21T18:18:00.001-08:00

The older I get, the better my life becomes. I've gotten enough life experience to better identify what a smart person would do, then I do that thing. (This is based on the logic Dwight Schrute got from Michael Scott on "The Office": Don't be an idiot.)

I'm glad I'm working on my retirement savings now, even if I'm not plugging away as much as I'd like. I have health insurance for the first time in my life. I'm no longer working a job that gives me headaches when it's time to file taxes. And I can better plan for upcoming expenses, like trips, conventions and projects.

It's not so bad being 33 and getting wiser each day.

Breaking Up

2010-01-18T18:07:00.000-08:00

I was talking with someone at work today and was reminded about my resolve. Half a lifetime ago, I nearly dated this guy. We were friends who almost went out once but the plans fell through and he became involved with his ex-girlfriend again. I didn't give the "relationship" more than an afternoon of waiting for him to show up for our one date that didn't happen. I wasn't worried about it.

Four months later, he tries to reconnect with me on a romantic level. We were just friends at that point, and I wasn't interested. I liked someone else. I thought he was kidding when he pursued me and I laughed in his face. We were friends so this was a joke, right? That's when I found out he was serious. How was I going to work this one out? I liked him as a friend but we weren't meant to be at all or it would've happened already. How could I say that without laughing in his face again? Besides, his relationship with his ex-girlfriend was strong enough that they'd gotten back together once already.

I told him I was seeing someone else. I lied to his face. I liked someone else, and technically we were seeing each other (i.e., I would go see him wherever he was and just hang out and talk). But I wasn't dating this guy at all. I figured it was an easier way to let him down. Telling him I was seeing someone else ended the communication on the subject. If I told him the truth, that I wasn't really interested and we weren't meant to be and he'd probably get back with his ex at some point anyway, he would've tried to talk me into changing my mind. Or worse, he would've asked me why. I didn't feel I should have to explain myself or justify why I wasn't going to go out with him. It seemed the truth wouldn't have ended it for him, and I was over it. I'd moved on. I've got some serious resolve.

Wow. That was a tangent.

Screwing Around

2010-01-15T08:49:00.000-08:00

I'm having a tough time so I wanted to give you a lighthearted post for a change instead of moaning and groaning about how hard my life is. :)

As an actor, I've been trained to play pretend. I walk onstage, throw myself into the life circumstances of the character, say the words I've been given and perform the actions necessary to tell the story, and go back offstage. I spend the rehearsal process trying to best understand the life circumstances, to use the script to figure out who the hell the character is and how she would react to various situations. I know enough about the character to give an honest portrayal while I'm onstage.

So what do I do backstage when I perform in a play - comedic or dramatic? Screw around. I tell inappropriate jokes, dance, bullshit and walk around in my underwear. Sure, I may review my lines when needed, but I'm done rehearsing when the show goes up. I don't work myself into an emotional state long before entering because the audience is paying to see the honest emotion as it occurs.

This photo by director Jacob Smith perfectly captures my last full-length show at Theatre Unleashed. There was this weird flirtation that went on between my character and Jim Martyka's character that they wanted to capture for archival photos. The problem here is that the photo wasn't taken during the show but before the show one evening. We were supposed to hold an uncertain romantic pose for the camera, but Jim said something (as he is also a bit of a troublemaker) and I cracked up. This photo perfectly captures the rehearsal process. Aren't you sad you missed this play?

What Am I Doing?

2010-01-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

I found myself in a discussion about acting last night. I don't talk about acting so much these days as I did when I started this blog in '05. I still act sometimes, but I make more money as a dancer and have a lot more creative freedom as a dancer.

Truth be told, I don't know what to do next as an actor. I'm almost 34. I'm at that stage in life where I don't want to try to fit in with the other adults playing college students. I also don't want to hang around 22 year-olds on set whose lives are so hard because Mommy and Daddy are paying the rent and car payments and gave them a monthly credit card limit for clothes shopping. I like working with adults. The problem is that I'm perhaps too mature for young adult and too young-looking for parental roles. So I keep spending my $10 a month on a casting website I only remember I subscribe to when they run my card, thinking that maybe I'll submit for something if there's something right for me. I'll act in plays from time to time, but I don't like committing six weekends of my life to something that doesn't pay. I've missed out on paid work when I've done plays.

So what happens now for me as an actress? I'm not shelling out the money to join the union until I have a reason to think I'll make that money back within the year. I have too many friends who are in unions who never get paid work, and it's not because of their talent. I don't see acting paying for the lifestyle to which I'm accustomed in a short period of time.

I guess for now I'll work in an office and keep on dancing.

Bad Habits

2009-12-30T13:40:00.000-08:00

2008 is the year I was reminded how much I enjoy beer. I mean, I really like a good beer, and I'm not talking about that piss my dad has consumed my entire life. I'm talking about something quality that costs at least $7 a six-pack. I do love it. I also know that it's full of calories. I might as well eat half a loaf of bread when I knock back two bottles of beer in a night. My body hasn't worked off the beer as quickly as I've consumed it.
I did a really great diet twice: once in 2006 with effects that lasted into early 2008, then again in 2008. As I was finishing the diet in 2008, I was reminded how much I enjoyed beer, the holidays hit and I consumed a lot of junk food. Since then, it's been a steady diet of things I shouldn't eat (bread, candy, cookies and pasta) or drink (Kahlua and milk, beer, spiced rum). The diet works if you follow the guidelines for after the diet. I didn't do so well with that last time. I also noticed each time after doing the diet that the weight gain from breaking the rules put my weight above my weight before starting the diet each time. That's just unfair.

With 2010 just around the corner and photos reminding me of how awesome (and tall) I look with less weight, I have to do something. I have to get some resolve so I can conquer these bad habits (and Andrew is no help in fighting the bad habits with his persistent meal suggestions of beer, pizza, sandwiches and pasta). Maybe I'll cut my bread consumption down to once a week and pasta maybe once a week, beer on special occasions only. I'll have to ease up on dessert and not eat when I'm already full. I also have to get back into dance classes to work off what I consume in a week. I feel less worn-down and restless when I'm in classes.

Now I need this blog to constantly remind me when I feel hopeless on the subject. And my skinny jeans.

Wait ... Was That Christmas?

2009-12-26T09:58:00.000-08:00

This year has been stressful. A lot of good things have happened, but it's been a challenging year. The job stress, worries about the theatre company, lack of time and money have worn us down. Andrew and I didn't get our holiday cards out yet because we've been so busy, and we lost our broken digital camera so we have to figure out what we're going to do for 2010 cards. Andrew and I didn't get big gifts for one another because I'm still working out my job situation so I have to have the steady, happily-earned paycheck before we make major purchases.

We've tried celebrating this Christmas. We did small, fun gifts for one another. We got tickets to another JM concert. We made the Doodlecake. We went to the movies twice and watched a slew of movies at home. We even prepared a traditional Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. We went to two holiday parties yesterday. Christmas cards are hanging in the living room, so why doesn't it feel like yesterday was Christmas?

I wonder if we're so busy planting the roses that we're not stopping to smell them. We have a theatre fundraiser tonight so we can raise rent money for our space since the economy has not been kind to our members or productions. Andrew has a writing target for his week off work. I have to build a huge prop and I'm focused on my January shows. Maybe we're so stuck in future mode we just can't function in the holiday now.

Wardrobe: John Mayer Shirt #14

2009-12-22T21:46:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've rhapsodized about my John Mayer wardrobe. I'm all about supporting artists I love by buying their merchandise. That's why my John Mayer wardrobe is so extensive.

I got this shirt at my seventh John Mayer concert last December. I wanted one of the "City of Angels Love" shirts from Irvine but I didn't get one at the time. I'm glad I waited. This edition has silver foil letters and the concert date is printed on the back.

This particular concert was a gift. Sure, I bought tickets, but the performance was a gift for fans. It was so raw, vulnerable and amazing. JM performed by himself the entire evening. It was incredible.

Andrew is wearing his JM military cap from the same event. He lost it at one point so I bought him a replacement. That's when he found the original.

Doodlecake 2009

2009-12-22T08:21:00.000-08:00

Once again it's time for John Mayer's Interfaith Baking Contest. How to top last year's Doodlecake that earned a position on JM's blog and got JM to call Felicity cute (in regards to a cake)? Sculpt Felicity and put her on a cake. We used gum paste, one of the stranger things we've worked with. It's entirely edible. Andrew sculpted from a photo I took of Felicity sleeping on the couch in my hoodie, then I painted the details with frosting.

Neither of us can get over how cute the Doodlebug is on that cake!

Loafing Time

2009-12-14T09:11:00.000-08:00

I have a moment to myself and I'm moving slowly this morning. It's actually very pleasant to move slowly for a change. So much has been going on lately that I need the chance to breathe.

We opened the run of Holiday Hangover last weekend for a two-week run before folks left town for the holidays. I also produced my third burlesque show on my own, and this one went really well. I danced at a club that was new to me on Tuesday night. We closed Holiday Hangover Saturday night and had our Theatre Unleashed Christmas party immediately after. Yesterday was the free class and open house at the dance school where I'm teaching and the "Dexter" season finale. I'm wiped out after all that activity.

On the job front, some temp work at the place I love dropped in my lap for the holidays and it was an opportunity too good to pass up. The job I took in November hasn't turned out as I expected, and I'm officially done there Wednesday. I had to spend more than a week there to see if it would work or not. Taking on a new job is a lot like dating. It wasn't the love connection I expected.

We still haven't shot our Christmas card because we've been so busy. Those will probably hit mailboxes in early 2010. We're trying to recover from the busy year and plan for the next.

Swelling With Pride

2009-12-04T07:51:00.001-08:00

Theatre Unleashed Nominated for Six ADA Awards

Valley Theatre League recognizes almost all of the company’s original Main Stage shows from 2008 and 2009, from actors to writers to designers and more.

LOS ANGELES – Theatre Unleashed is proud to announce that it has been nominated in six different categories in this year’s Valley Theatre League Artistic Director Achievement Awards, for original shows produced by the rapidly growing company in its first two years. The winners will be announced at a special awards ceremony Monday, Dec. 7 at 7:30 p.m. at the West Valley Playhouse in Canoga Park.

Pin-Up Girls, an original play by Andrew Moore that explored the world of 1940s burlesque dancers, is nominated for Best Original Play. Brian Gaston, who played bumbling-in-love horn player Bottles in the show, is nominated for Best Supporting Actor. Starlet Jacobs is nominated for Best Set Design for the show as well.

Moore is also nominated for Best Author-Original Play for his show Tracing Sonny, a romantic dramedy about how the baggage we carry from childhood can dominate our personal relationships as adults. Yelena Babinskaya is also nominated from the show for Best Lighting Design.

“This is an incredible validation of the work we strive to do,” said Moore, who is also the company’s president. “We have much respect for the other nominees. They have created a rich and fertile theatrical ecology in North Hollywood, which is no small part of why we chose this community as our residence. To be nominated alongside them is a thrill and an honor for this young company.”

Friends Like These, an intense drama about teen violence and one of the company’s most popular shows (along with Pin-Up Girls), is nominated for Best Ensemble Cast. The show, which played to sellout crowds, will return for a brief run January 15, 2010.

“We’ve tried to create an environment in which a person’s vision can flourish and grow through collaboration with no one person pushing the buttons,” said Artistic Director Phillip Kelly. “It’s led to a very diverse couple of seasons that will continue into our third. I’m proud of the people nominated, but I think each of them can easily say they were one part of a whole and that’s why their talents shined as brightly as they did; they left their ego at the door.”

Candy Candy Candy

2009-11-27T17:24:00.000-08:00

I just closed Landscaping the Den of Saints last weekend and next weekend I take the stage in Holiday Hangover: An Anthology for the Seasonally Affected. I noticed something interesting backstage from the past three shows I was part of at the Avery Schreiber Theater -- different snacks.

I usually bring some kind of treat to share in the dressing room. I can't remember what I brought for Pin-Up Girls, but I do remember breaking from my diet to enjoy some individually wrapped chocolate chip cookies and Tootsie Rolls. For Tracing Sonny, I bought the cast a bucket of meltaway mints in a variety of flavors. They brought in gummy sharks and restocked every weekend of the run. I brought a Willy Wonka variety bag twice for Landscaping the Den of Saints that was filled with Nerds, Laffy Taffy and Sweettarts. We also had Skittles and 100 Grand bars from the writer-director and brownies from the stage manager. It's been a sugar buffet for every show.

What's rather curious is that no two shows had the same backstage snacks. I'm excited to see what kind of crap we have for Holiday Hangover.

Art, Not Artist

2009-11-15T23:04:00.001-08:00

I frequent a few online social networks. One of the interesting things about social networking is that you get to learn about your friends' friends. Andrew usually gets into online arguments with those friends of friends. I came close to doing the same this past week when a friend asked if one of my favorite artists would do things in life just to have more interesting creations. A friend of this friend waxed douchy about this artist by assuming the artist lived the art (experienced everything he wrote about firsthand just to create the art without regard for others along the way), and I was ready to jump through the computer and do my best "Hulk smash" on this stranger. (The verbal assault really angered me because I'm a huge fan of this artist and I've witnessed the creation of this latest work through the artist's generosity and the wonders of the internet.)

In order to create a work of art, the artist doesn't have to experience everything addressed in that piece of art firsthand. For example, I wrote a novel about a zombie prostitute. I'm not a zombie or a prostitute but I could still write a novel about the subject because I had enough familiarity with both subjects from other studies to craft a novel. I wrote a short play about a girl who agreed to an engagement and later regretted it; I've never lived that. One should have some familiarity with a subject to try to accurately interpret and express that subject, but one doesn't have to experience every aspect of it to communicate that idea to an audience.

Some people do research to learn more about a subject before basing a piece of art around it. Andrew learned about burlesque before writing Pin-Up Girls. He didn't have to live as a 1940s dancer to write about it. He's doing a lot of research for a new play for next year. He won't know everything there is to know about the subject he's covering, but he'll know enough to effectively communicate it.

There is a difference between the art and the artist. The artist is just presenting the communication as best they can.

And I don't care if someone hates John Mayer's music. They can also eat tofu or bitch about democracy. They may be stupid, but that's their journey.

Back in the High Life

2009-11-13T13:33:00.001-08:00

I got a job! I start Monday and work 20 hours a week at a place a short ride via public transportation from home. After six months of temping and random work, I'll be gainfully employed again. I think it will be a nice fit. I'm excited.

I have a couple dance shows this month and a few next month. I close the play I'm in next weekend and open another two weeks later. We're hosting a Thanksgiving lunch at the Old Los Angeles Zoo. I'm also teaching my first class with this dance school in December. Things are looking up.

Idle Hands Are What Again?

2009-11-06T08:45:00.000-08:00

There is something quite wonderful about being busy and productive despite my questionable employment status. I know that the activities of today will generate the income of tomorrow. So I stay very busy.

I met with a new friend and fellow performer for coffee yesterday. She lives maybe two miles from me but is only performing in Los Angeles for my show. She's a little weirded out by dancing in the city where she lives. Anyway, my meeting with her sparked an idea for my next act so the costume is even cooler than I previously hoped. It wasn't anything specific she said; it was just the creative energy generated by chatting with a colleague. She and I have big plans to go downtown by bus to do some window shopping and maybe pick up some ribbons for my costumes next week. It was awesome spending time with her.

I also had a big meeting with the Striptease Symposium ladies about next year's schedule. I'll be teaching more next year than I did this year. I'm teaching a couple beginner series and some specialty workshops. We're also shooting some promotional footage over Thanksgiving break. I'm really excited about the possibilities.

I'm still working on aprons and pasties as time permits. I hope these things will help me work my way out of my personal economic crisis. I do have a job interview Monday for something I can do in my sleep, so I'm very optimistic.

Recession ... Over?

2009-11-01T09:12:00.000-08:00

I've been pounding the job boards since June in search of a perfect match: part time work at a cool place using my talents at a decent rate of pay. I've had a few great interviews but there are so many qualified people looking for work that the job market is super competitive. People are taking less than their services are worth in an effort to bring home a steady paycheck. Then there are employers who aren't bringing on new people because the doom and gloom of recession has halted their purchasing, manufacturing and sales to a greater or lesser degree.

Bummed out about my largely fruitless efforts, I told Andrew about my frustrations in finding work. He said it was announced somewhere that the economic recession was officially over. That's neat and all that it was announced somewhere (probably some radio program or news page that I don't frequent), but I don't know that enough people were listening. So here's an announcement to all those potential employers out there: THE RECESSION IS OVER!

Now, let's talk about you bringing a cute girl (me) into you place of business to work for a decent rate of pay.

Sugar Crash

2009-10-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

You know that sugar high feeling? I had that over the past week as an artist. I danced a private gig a Saturday ago. I danced Monday and Wednesday night at two local shows after leaving tech rehearsals for the play we opened Saturday.

I'm going to take a moment to talk about the show I just opened Saturday before I continue listing out the awesome stuff that happened this week for me as an artist. I'm so fortunate to be part of a theatre company that nurtures playwrights. The writer and director, Jacob Smith, I cast as Sonny in Tracing Sonny earlier this year. I absolutely loved working with him. His directing style is similar to my own so I feel very comfortable with him. This is a wonderful show and I hope everyone who reads my blog in the So Cal area can make it to see the show. More info is available here.

Friday nights after Landscaping the Den of Saints, you can see our latest anthology -- Tales of an Unsettled City: Exodus. Our actors are so talented and several of the pieces were written by our own writers. I wrote one of the pieces. It was fantastic seeing it come to life. I was in tears watching my show. You'd have to see it to understand.

Friday night was our soft opening for Landscaping the Den of Saints. There's a chunk of the play where I'm not onstage since it is an ensemble piece. I spent that chunk writing a short play for The Artist's Nightmare, the second installment in our 24-hour play festival series. I was given a topic, a cast breakdown (1 man, 1 woman) and I set to typing. My play was hilarious, perfectly cast and perfectly directed. I laughed so hard I was coughing. These 24-hour play festivals are great sprints for writers, directors and actors. I love that I was able to write for it.

So today I'm back in the real world after some intense creation. I'm making aprons and pasties and trolling online for work. I'm going back to my dance classes and home life activities. I do feel like I've had a sugar crash, but I know life will return to normal after a few more days.

Support My Habits!

2009-10-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

I've been working some. I'm very much a freelancer. I did a couple one-time projects for different companies and work for another a day a week. I also dance to pay my bills. I'm using my talents to open up new income flows, and now you can get in on the action. Don't worry -- this isn't an infomercial for real estate.

I have my Etsy shop up and running. I have puppets and showgirl accessories, and now I have something everyone needs: aprons! I'm making vintage reproduction aprons with a little bit of extra flair. They're very affordable and make great gifts. Hit the store and contact me if you want something custom.

Stay of Execution

2009-10-14T23:26:00.001-07:00

My title is a bit dramatic. I've been running around a lot lately. I have some freelance work and my dance classes. I also have play rehearsals which are really fun and going incredibly well. I'm also working on a new number and have dance shows from time to time this month.

Anyway, my current activity level sometimes keeps me away from home for ten to twelve hours. I'm pretty exhausted and haven't been able to sleep in. The weather is changing so I'm a little sniffly. Feeling worn down and sniffly doesn't bode well for the girl with two dance gigs and a play opening next week. I'm taking Nyquil at night along with vitamin C so I can sleep and heal at the same time. Here's hoping it works.

Bargain Showgirl

2009-10-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

As you may know, dear reader, my job status has been questionable since the beginning of June. I'm still freelancing and loving many parts of the freelance lifestyle. I've been able to help Andrew with some projects that he didn't have time to finish because he was out making real money.

Anyway, my limited funds have rightly prevented me from making new costumes. I'm not doing "one-off" numbers right now, meaning numbers that I perform once for a theme show and have to costume from scratch. Every number I'm doing between now and December will come from my existing repertoire and costume stock. Last year was very expensive for me in the world of burlesque costumes.

I do have a couple new numbers in the works. The first will debut at my December show. Because I have to be smart with my money, I designed the costume on paper first. I listed out how much fabric to buy to make it and all the colors of rhinestones that would work on it. I found the perfect fabric yesterday to make most of the costume for just under $7. I did spend about $30 on rhinestones, but I got some acrylic rhinestones to save money and really make the Swarovskis shine. I still need to buy a piece of fun foam and perhaps a few notions, but I really saved time and money by designing on paper first.

I'm also going through my fabric stock and making things to sell in my Etsy store. I'm quite crafty. If I'm not going to do anything with the fabric and trim I have on hand for myself, I might as well create something and sell it. I'm making aprons right now for my Etsy store. I am purchasing some fabric since fuzzy leopard print woudn't make the smartest apron, but I'm trying to use the resources I have first. I do encourage you to share my Etsy store with friends, especially because I have to pay for that stupid $436 red light ticket from June. And because I make good stuff.

When I Grow Up

2009-10-06T10:38:00.000-07:00

I've finally decided that when I grow up I want to have a kickass show in an awesome and legendary venue. It's going to take baby steps to get there I fear, even though I want it to take off quickly. I've started producing my own show in North Hollywood. I have to build a following for that show, but Andrew and I have some ideas. Our first show went really well but I'd really like a bigger audience. I may investigate taking over a time slot for a monthly show at an established venue, but I don't know that I'd want to do it for more than a year. I want to take over bigger venues. I want to work with live music. I want to bring back as much classic burlesque as I can.

I also want to tour more. I may go to Costa Rica in January. I'm going to apply for New Mexico's burlesque showcase in February; we talked in Boston and they invited me to come out. I think there are two potential tour dates in March. April is Viva Las Vegas and Boston Burlesque Expo is the same weekend. This all takes capital. What's going to help me afford touring is selling my online merchandise. You can pick up some of my handcrafted items at my Etsy store. I have showgirl accessories there, and you can find some puppets made by me and Andrew. More merchandise will be uploaded as the holidays approach, but you can pick up some stuff now.

No Pressure

2009-09-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

I love my Wednesday night tap class. The teacher is a hardass (kind of) but he really wants us to get our money's worth and be good dancers. I dig that. I want to be a good dancer. I'm very inspired by Gene Kelly so I want to tap well. My teacher corrected my technique Wednesday night on a new step because it is all about technique, and I was happy to get personal instruction so I can make improvements.

In most dance classes, there are "across the floor" exercises. This is where there was trouble in ballet class all those months ago. Students line up and drill a move while traveling across the floor with new groups of students coming in after an eight count or a sixteen count to allow room for everyone to move without having a collision. If it was strippy class, I would have no problem being in the front of the line since I know my stripping very well and wouldn't worry about others picking up bad habits from watching me. However, I am willing to take any spot in the line going across the floor. This Wednesday the instructor picked me to lead one of the lines. I know my eight counts like the back of my hand so I know when to come in. I also pay attention in class and stop tapping when he speaks. He said, "You've had tap before, right?" I reluctantly said, "Some." The girl who was already in the front of the line wanted to be there and I know people get sensitive about being moved out of spaces. I crept to the front of the line as the gal who was there defended her position. I wonder if she thought he was suggesting that she wasn't a good dancer by moving her back in the line. Who knows. Anyway, I was all ready to lead the line and then we got into the defense stuff. So enter me, feeling bad because I was asked by the teacher to lead because I was displacing someone who was very passionate about being in that spot in the line. I was uncomfortable.

Then another student defended my position as the line leader. She proclaimed. "She's really good!" It was very kind of her, but I don't feel that I'm really good at tap yet. I've had maybe nine months of tap, most of it over ten years ago. I'm really good at burlesque because I had many of the component skills down years ago. Now I wasn't just displacing someone, I was also labeled as really good so it became more than just being the first one to dance across the floor in that line. Now it felt like I had to prove something and defend my position as well as live up to the expectations of the proclaimer and now the rest of the class. Ugh! I was just there to dance!

Even though I felt miserable for a little while because so much was pasted onto this little "lead the line" thing, I did an okay job with the task and was able to get back into just drilling the moves. I don't know how upset the other student actually was, but the resistance I observed when I tried to assume my assigned position made me feel like I'd somehow done something wrong. Fortunately everyone was fine at the end of class. Ugh.

And in This Corner ...

2009-09-22T18:55:00.000-07:00

I've sent out a lot of resumes over the summer. A lot. I typically troll craigslist for work because it seems to be the best place to hunt for a job. I've tried job search engines and had no luck. I've applied directly on recruiting websites and gotten nowhere. It's a tough time to find work. I've been on five job interviews and had one over the phone. Two of those were at temp agencies that both hired me but haven't had the steady stream of work to keep me occupied all summer. The third was at the place where I work one day a week. (He got over 200 resumes within an hour of posting for the job and he called me.) The fourth was the place where the assistant who was leaving when I interviewed decided to stay so the job was no longer vacant. The fifth interview was today.

I'm very qualified to do office work and bookkeeping. I know computers and easily learn programs. I don't apply for jobs that "require hard work and multi-tasking" with a ton of job tasks that pay what local hamburger places do. I expect to be paid something close to the value of service I deliver, and I do work hard. I popped over to this interview (from craigslist) today right after I finished my morning of work with the guy I talked about above. I wore a red v-neck blouse and khakis because I knew it wasn't a law office or Fortune 500 company, and I know business casual is the norm in Los Angeles. When I entered the office, there were three Latinas dressed in black filling out job applications. I sat down and filled out my application as the first three gals interviewed together. I was called over to interview with a fourth Latina dressed in black. As I interviewed, three more Latinas in black came in to fill out applications. I was told they were interviewing thirty people today and would do working interviews with five. I felt like I was in an episode of "Sesame Street" and I was the one thing not like the others. Who knows if I'll be called in.

So I'm still hunting for work. It's a tough time out there and my bills aren't getting smaller. Anyone know of some part-time work out there?

Let's Make a Deal

2009-09-21T10:18:00.000-07:00

I'm cool with bartering as long as things work out for both parties. I don't go for those trades where I put in way more than I get back, especially when the other party indicates that I got a deal. I don't mind swapping two of what I have for one of what someone else has as long as the value is fair. It seems like I've been shafted an awful lot.

This week I had a complete opposite experience. I helped a wonderful performer and now friend with a huge costume and prop project in exchange for feather fans. I put in lots of time and effort to get my parts of the projects done well and on-time. I knew when I met this person that it would be fair (not just me hoping it would be fair but knowing deep down it wouldn't). She's patient, sweet, kind and great to work with. While I worked hard, I do have a product of incredible value coming to me for all of my work. Andrew even helped for several hours today.

This project restored my faith in bartering with people, so thanks to my newfound friend for the opportunity and experience.

New Orleans

2009-09-20T08:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry I'm sharing this with you almost a week after I got home. I've had a busy week with work every day and most nights. I'm very hopeful that trend continues.

I've gotten into a habit of taking less photographs when I go places. I like having photo memories and pictures to share with you, dear readers, but it becomes cumbersome taking a camera everywhere and I don't want to experience everything through the lens. You're going to get a few things from the highlights reel.

Dancing at House of Blues was amazing. This is a photo of the entryway to the green room where I waited for hours to go on. (I was #25 in a lineup of 27 or 29 acts.) We were provided with beverages and snacks to ease our wait. It was a wonderful backstage experience. We even had praline and cheesecake ice cream at our disposal. I loved dancing there.

As I waited for the show to start, I decided to add my name to the bathroom wall. It's just above my finger. I wish I had a giant Marksalot instead of a borrowed Sharpie so I could really make my mark. You can see my name amongst a ton of other performers who asserted their importance with pens, pencils and markers. There was graffiti on the ceiling above the toilet as well. It was kind of like signing a yearbook.

I had a wonderful time performing at House of Blues. I hope I'm asked back next year.

How It Went

2009-09-14T12:23:00.001-07:00

As I write, I'm sitting in the New Orleans airport reflecting on my trip. I did take photos, but I can't retrive and post them until I get home. I did have an incredible time. Dancing at House of Blues was magical and I'm so glad I got to share it with Andrew, even if it was via speakerphone. There were some snags during my trip but the good outweighed the bad. I'll post more after I get home and recover a little.

In Transit

2009-09-11T09:38:00.001-07:00

I'm at the Las Vegas airport on my way to New Orleans. I'm very excited. I barely survived the past week of working, web design, rehearsal, voice recording, set building, writing and a show. I'm exhausted but eager to hit the Big Easy for the first time.

I started a new blog just for Snapper news at www.snapperburlesque.blogspot.com. I'll still post about my shows and my life here, but that's the place for the business stuff.

Tap-a Tap-a Tap-a

2009-09-02T22:00:00.001-07:00

I started my first tap class in nearly ten years today. My wonderful $60 shoes still fit after all these years so I took it as a sign I should get back into a class and learn from a great teacher. I've had so much luck at the community college with ballet that I was very optimistic.

I've taken tap from two teachers. The first was a gym teacher in college who taught "theatre dance." I hated the teacher and hated her teaching style slightly less. It didn't help that I could only afford $12 tap shoes. The second was a cranky old lady who taught through the community service branch of the St. Louis community college system. There were maybe five people in the first class, and just me and Andrew made it to the end of the semester. She ran us through a number of routines but never taught us how to do one really well. She didn't spend enough time drilling us on the basics. At the end of the semester she told us we could continue at a higher rate. I seem to recall saying we'd think about it because it seemed mean to tell her that she sucked as a teacher.

I am soooooo excited about this tap class. The instructor works at a way more expensive school just down the street teaching the same thing. He's a hardass but a great teacher. He explained how to buy good tap shoes. He broke down each step and mixed theory with practical. It was amazing. I learned more in one class with him than in eight to ten months with the other two teachers. It was incredible!

Burning Down Los Angeles

2009-09-01T22:07:00.001-07:00

Armageddon over the Rose Bowl

This is the view of the fire zone. I pulled this photo down from the L.A. Times website. Actually it's not the entire fire zone. I live at least ten miles from the fires. I haven't Mapquested it recently. Our home is in no danger, but the air has been terrible the past few days. I had a nasty weekend-long allergy attack from the funky air. We don't have air conditioning so we rely on window fans to cool our house. With the nasty air and ash, our house was something of an oven over the past week. City temps were in the high 90s.

But for the family out there, I know you worry. We're fine, drinking lots of water and avoiding heavy exercise. I think I sneeze at least twenty times a day so you know I'm chasing the toxins out.

Barfing HTML

2009-08-27T23:01:00.001-07:00

I've been trying to learn HTML on and off all month. I want to build the Red Snapper website from scratch so I can easily update it myself. Of course, I've learned that it might be too much to take on at once. I just want to get up a nice-looking website so I can market myself. Then later I can hire a real designer to format the page as necessary to something much cooler that I can still update myself.

Of course, that doesn't mean I'm going to throw up a website like the old .htm kind we had to do in the mandatory computer class in college in the mid-1990s. Nothing that shitty. I'm just going to use a template and modify it to fit my needs. I hope to have something up in the next week. But for now, I'm dizzy from reading about Dreamweaver.

For Starters

2009-08-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

I come from a crafty family so I'm always working on something, even when I don't have a costume to build for an upcoming show. This led to my creation of this burlesque starter kit: two leopard print heart-shaped pasties with tassels and a shimmy belt that fits anyone with a low ab measurement from 31" to 36".

I just put this item up in my Etsy store last night. I'd like to move it quickly so I can set to work on the next project. If you know anyone who has the slightest interest in burlesque, this is perfect. One can use these tools to work on bumps, grinds and twirls within the comfort of one's own home. It's priced to move at $25.

Go here to order.

Can't Say No

2009-08-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

I have issues. I have a hard time saying no. This has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past because I think of how bad someone needs help and not of my own time restrictions, and I've agreed to so many things I didn't have the time or energy to do.

There are other areas of life where my inability to say no has become a problem, particularly with food. I'm not as physically active as I would like to be. Part of the issue is no longer having the disposable income to enroll in as many dance classes as I would like. I changed my schedule at school so I'll just have two dance classes while I figure my life out. I'm also getting free dance classes on Sundays as part of a new job. Even still, I need more activity. You see, I love eating. I'm a huge fan of dessert. I like eating the stuff that turns into fat. If I'm not active, it will turn into fat. The past three months have proven that.

So I'm going to try to chase away some of that fat. I'm revisiting my special diet to get some relief, and I'm hoping I start making progress quickly so I don't have to shell out the money to do it all again. Fingers crossed.

Transitions

2009-08-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

I've been going through quite a period of adjustment in the past few months. Leaving the job I held for eight years led to a number of changes in my routine. Since I've been freelancing, I haven't had to keep up with a rigid schedule as much and that has slipped into my personal and artistically professional life. When I don't have a day of work, I still get up before Andrew leaves for the day. I job hunt, do some housework, research opportunities and learn new things. I may spend time working on dance numbers or costumes, but every day off is spent doing something productive. It's still quite an adjustment.

I've gone from having a "steady job" five days a week for roughly thirty hours to taking work as it comes up. I have to admit that I do enjoy freelancing. I've done some personal assistant work and some office temp work. I expect to be paid for every dancing gig because I need to be paid for every dancing gig (not that it was a problem before). I'm also working on my dancer website and creating products to sell online associated with my dancer brand. Of course, I've been so scatterbrained at shows lately that my business sense was absent, meaning I wasn't networking and visiting with friends as I normally would. Sorry if you were on the receiving end of any of that.

The most wonderful part of this freelancing thing is that it's given me focus as a dancer. Opportunities have come up that have made me reconsider things. I have one major festival out of town this year (New Orleans), and I have at least one local excursion out of the L.A. area. I'd like to travel more next year, doing weekend tours to nearby places (including those that can be accessed by a $59 one-way flight on Southwest). There are several burlesque festivals I'd like to hit as a performer next year as well. I have to find the kind of job that helps me afford that but I don't think it's going to be a 9-5 job for 40 hours a week. I'll need the flexibility on Fridays and Mondays to travel from time to time.

I have to decide in the next two weeks if I'll be returning to school for all of my classes in the fall. I want to continue my film education and continue with my ballet teacher at the college, but I'm not certain that those things will contribute most immediately to my goals. I can always go back to paying for weekly dance classes somewhere, even if it does cost more than a semester of ballet at the local community college.

Oh Hell No!

2009-08-17T18:47:00.000-07:00

Andrew and I did some shopping this weekend for supplies for my Wednesday night show. Our shopping trip included a stop at Hollywood & Highland, and our plan was to grab a coffee before heading home. There's a Starbucks there that we've patronized many times. We also know and enjoy the drinks from the Toll House shop and Kelly's Fudge. Our original intention was to get something from one of those places until we were handed a two for one coupon for a hip, new coffee shop. I like to support new businesses when I can, so Andrew and I agreed to give them a try.

As we headed into the shop, an aggressive 22 year-old guy shoved a tiny cup at me and said "Sample." I don't drink everything that's handed to me, and he was pretty rude about it. I responded in kind: "What is it?" He explained that it was some flavor of smooth or milkshake, slightly nicer than before. Not bad. We entered the shop and the first item on the menu was $6. It's a coffee shop, right? $6? The loud rave music was so loud we had to shout our order to the 22 year-old gal behind the counter. How much is a cup of coffee? $3.75. Wow. Pretty steep for an Americano from a place that just has counter service and no tables or chairs. And how was the coffee? Unromantic and not worth $3.75, not even with the free refills we were promised if we dared return that day. It was workmanlike. And the 22 year-olds in front of the store were shoving flyers into people's hands to drum up business.

Note to businesses: You have to have a good product that has value if you want to get business. Sure, you might have a brief surge from your aggressive 22 year-old marketing strategy. Sure, some people might be drawn to the rave sounds and are willing to shout over the music to buy a drink once. And they might even shell out $6 for a drink from a coffee stand. Once. Chances are good you'll attract a couple 22 year-olds as customers. Of course, they might not have jobs and be able to afford more than one of your ridiculous drinks a month. I'm not getting coffee at the rave stand ever again; Starbucks is right around the corner.

Microblogging

2009-08-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

I've become quite the microblogger. I've found it's very easy to post my thoughts and activities in 140 characters or less on Twitter. It's a little more immediate but a little more random than typing on an actual blog. Sure, I microblog about not getting tortillas with my fajitas or waiting for AAA, but I also microblog about upcoming shows. It's not as well-planned and thorough as a real blog.

So here's a little update on what I'm doing right now:

Sixteenth wedding anniversary yesterday. We had barbecue at the only place in Los Angeles that has Southern-style barbecue that we like. We've also been watching "The State" on DVD. It was on television very early in our relationship and we loved it.
I went from no jobs on Tuesday to three jobs on Wednesday. I was hired to do admin for a small business owner one day a week, so I did that in the morning. The afternoon was filled with temp work and the evening was spent stage managing a burlesque show. The temp job is at one of my favorite places and will go into next week.
Two job interviews last week. One resulted in an immediate hire, the other in a message that the current employee decided to stay. I'm still trolling for work. I think things will pick up, but I have to make a decision about returning to school or not in the fall. I do want to get the education, but I also find myself focusing more on my dancing. I want to be able to tour on weekends, so I have to get a job that can afford me that opportunity financially.
Three Saturdays left of my show with Theatre Unleashed. To be clear, I'm just acting in this show. My short play, @twitts, is going to be produced as part of Theatre Unleashed's coffee shop series. I've been cast in Landscaping the Den of Saints that opens in October.
I got my hotel room and flight booked for New Orleans Burlesque Festival, and I'm dancing/teaching in Lancaster, CA the weekend I return.
I'm trying to learn HTML for my new website. I haven't made it public yet because I want it to be ready before I announce it. It sucks to see a website that says "under construction" or "coming soon."

Pure Dumb Luck

2009-08-10T17:02:00.001-07:00

With our play opened and rehearsals over, Andrew and I found ourselves with a free Sunday. We narrowed our inexpensive entertainment options down to two beaches. The first was a former nude beach in Santa Barbara where a nudist group has been making a positive impact on the community and held a picnic/rally Sunday. The second was our nude beach that will be nude no more after Labor Day. We don't drive an hour and a half there and often two hours back for the scenery. We decided that since it might be our last visit ever, we'd go to the nude beach that was shutting down.

It's hell going to this beach. We make the long, stupid drive followed by a long, stupid hike to the beach. There are no bathrooms on the beach and I'm not risking a rattlesnake encounter in "stinky canyon," so we never pack a picnic and stay for the day. We set up our blanket, I sun for no more than 20 minutes on each side while I pester Andrew about putting sunscreen on his farmer's tan until he's so annoyed he applies it. The timer goes off, I apply sunscreen to my face and arms again and we start the long, stupid hike back to the car. We usually stop for lunch on the long, stupid drive home. I usually fall asleep during the ride. All of this hassle is enough reason to never return.

The ride home yesterday was full of freeway debris, like lawn chairs, tire pieces and wheeled grocery totes. We avoided most of it. Someone's roof carrier fell apart when we were just south of Anaheim. The metal rail flew off their car, bounced off the freeway once or twice and went under our car. It felt like we were dragging something so we pulled off. The rail punctured our oil filter and drained our engine of its oil when Andrew wrestled it free. We saw the filter later; it looked like it was shot with a shotgun.

I called AAA (which I don't remember renewing so I must've done it in my sleep or when I was under the influence) and they sent out a tow truck. Andrew determined that the filter was the only thing damaged so we could get an oil change, a new oil filter and we should be okay. It cost $38 for the oil change. We lucked out that it didn't cost more we also lucked out that neither of us was injured by the flying debris.

John Hughes

2009-08-08T11:30:00.001-07:00

It's incredible looking back at how an artist influences a person with their work. After John Hughes's passing this week, I looked back at his films and discovered how much they influenced me as an actor, director and writer.

Beyond that, his films gave me hope. They didn't make me less poor, more popular, better understood by my family or less socially awkward. They did make me feel like I wasn't the only one with problems. They gave me hope that things would work out and that somebody would understand me. I was a kid when his first films came out. I know I'm not the only one who felt a little more normal growing up on a steady diet of his works.

Yo, Arkansas!

2009-08-06T15:36:00.000-07:00

I'm planning a trip back to Arkansas for January or March 2010. I've had some requests to come out to teach burlesque classes so I'm thinking about a workshop weekend. To help me see if there's enough demand and to plan for classes, I've set up a survey.

So, Arkansans, now's your chance to help me out. If you are a lady or have a lady friend who might enjoy this kind of thing, please have them go take my survey.

First Game of 2009

2009-08-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

I went to my first baseball game of the year last night. We try to get to at least one game earlier in the season, but with plays and jobs and gigs it's been challenging. We usually get a brochure with four free tickets (two per game) and six buy one get one free vouchers for $49. We've been getting them for a few years now, and we usually go to at least three games per year.

As much as we love the Dodgers, we've been to so many games where they lost that we just expect them to lose when we go to the ballgame. Last night they were on fire. They beat the Brewers 17-4. It was amazing. It was great going to a game where they actually won.

How I Roll

2009-08-02T20:23:00.001-07:00

As you may know from previous posts, I believe acting is just that -- acting. It's not therapy. It's not a change to dig up your personal bullshit and air it out in front of an audience. It's time to pretend, to put oneself in the shoes of the character and say the words the playwright has provided.

I had an experience this week with a director who rolls with the other school. I'm willing to experience different directing styles. I'm not cool with a director asking me to use past upsets to fuel my performance. I'm also not cool with a director asking what I would do if my dog was beheaded in front of me. What the hell does that have to do with the play we're rehearsing?

I'm an adult. I don't have to put up with this kind of thing. So I said something. Several things, actually. I managed to explain how I roll without invalidating the director (just saying his method doesn't work for me). I got my point across and didn't have to walk from the production with artistic differences. And I made it okay for another actor to pretend and leave the personal bullshit where it belongs.

"The Incident"

2009-07-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

Something happened Monday that will hereinafter be referred to as "The Incident." Monday was the second night of the Tarantino burlesque tribute show. It was a wardrobe malfunction of note.

We end the show with a tribute to Reservoir Dogs. You can see me here as Mr. Blond talking into a bloody ear. Andrew plays the cop. When I took over the role as last year's Mr. Blond was unavailable, I insisted on having lots of blood. I wear a wife beater and boxer shorts so I can easily throw out my bloody clothes if necessary. I peel off the wife beater right before I get shot at the end of the number. Then I pull out a blood pack and smear blood all over myself as I die.

Let me back up. I choreographed the number so I would take off the wife beater before being shot. I forgot to take off the wife beater last week so I peeled it up to reveal my pasties as I bled to death. This week I remembered to take off the wife beater. It's covered in blood, as you can see in the photo, as a result of writhing around creepily in the blood on the cop. The blood is sticky, and I'm very dedicated to my craft so I really rub my boobs and butt on that blood as best I can. In addition, my pasties are glitter-covered buckram, very cheaply made so they'd be easy to throw away if they're trashed from the blood. That glitter is easily caught in the weave of the wife beater.

I moved upstage of where I was going to peel off the wife beater so it would make better photos. I get the wife beater over my head to my elbows, I look down and I notice my right pastie is gone. I had a sense it would happen on one side as I started to peel my top, particularly because I applied them with garment tape. (I ran out of my regular pastie tape and didn't have time for spirit gum in the change from Pulp Fiction to this number.) Okay, one gone. I can cover that side and finish handling the last prop of the number before dying. I look to the left and see that one has popped off while I was checking the right side.

I'm going to digress, kind of. We know from my posts that I go to the nude beach when I get the chance. I'm comfortable naked. I don't believe all nudity is sexual but I know there are places where it is and isn't appropriate. I'm also hopelessly devoted to Andrew. I don't do burlesque because I have daddy issues or need attention or validation for my body. I do it because I'm good at it, it's fun and I get great opportunities to be creative. I don't care if the audience sees my actual nipples onstage, but I do care about following the rules of the venue. I don't want to shit where I eat, if you know what I mean.

So back to me, sticky wife beater on the floor and both pasties missing while I face upstage with one prop left to manipulate and an impending death. It seemed like a lifetime passed but it was probably a couple seconds. One arm crossed my chest and I finished the number, fumbling with my last prop because I didn't want to cause any problems for the venue or the producer by moving my arm. I got shot, fell on the floor, rolled to my side so I could get out my blood pack, and rubbed blood all over my nipples and stomach. The arm went right back across my chest for the rest of the number.

I've been told by teachers that no one notices when you lose a pastie. I think that's true in few cases. I think that's something they say so students aren't totally freaked out about performing, frozen by the idea of losing a pastie. When you lose two pasties, everyone notices. Even when the nipples are covered quickly, they notice. The missing pasties are the elephant in the room; the only difference is that everyone talks about it.

Case of Crabs

2009-07-29T07:59:00.001-07:00

Last year I was introduced to Joe's Crab Shack in San Diego. A few blocks behind San Diego Convention Center, Joe's is a perfect alternative to overpriced convention food. I had a delicious time there last year, so I dragged Andrew there for lunch last Thursday.

Joe's has four incredible things that I absolutely love, but I only took two photos so you'll have to bear with me. Joe's has crab cakes. I love crab cakes. It's my love of crab cakes that led me to the crab cake sliders this year. It's also that love of crab cakes that kept me from ordering "crachos."

"Crachos" (pronounced crotch-ohs) were given their name by our Comic-Con group last year. We found crab nachos on the menu and they became crachos. Andrew went for the crachos. I finally got to sample them and they were good. I highly recommend the crachos for anyone.

I had two other treats I'd tried last year. Their bananas foster is amazing. Sure, it was the same size and weight as my actual meal. I made as big a dent as I could in it, and Andrew was very little help. The cherry on top was the "shark bite," A.K.A. the vomiting shark drink. It's sugar and booze and a shark that barfs "blood" (grenadine). Our table ordered one last year and passed it around. I had it all to myself this time and was hammered within moments. It's much like sugary toxic waste with paint thinner (vodka). I think I'd like it better without the vodka, but it tastes good anyway.

If you find yourself near a Joe's, follow my food recommendations and get your crab fix.

Supernova-A-Go-Go in San Diego

2009-07-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

We did two performances of the show on Thursday night in San Diego. It was a totally different venue from last year, so we had new and different challenges with this venue. We had two great shows and I learned some new lessons as a performer and producer that will only serve to make me stronger.

This particular venue required us to wear net bras. My costume wasn't built so much for the net bra so I wore a fishnet tube top made from the top of a pair of hose. It worked well enough. This is a photo of my act shot by S.H. Photo.

I haven't decided what to do next year. Maybe I'll do "V" since that series is being remade. I could always bring back the Fifth Element as well.

Comic-Con 2009

2009-07-25T13:41:00.001-07:00

This was my second year at Comic-Con. Andrew and I spent part of the day there on Thursday before our Thursday night show. It was a whirlwind stop, hitting every major company we could for their free stuff before zipping off to the venue. We did make purchases at one booth. They had these adorable hats. I had to get the sock monkey hat. This is me modeling the hat in the bathroom of a gas station after both evening shows on our drive home around midnight.

This was the first time we had to park for Comic-Con. Last year I rode with a bunch of girls and we had a nearby hotel. This year we found a discount lot for $20 that was just over a mile from the Con. Our parking pass was only good for nine hours, so we had to move to an $8 lot before our evening show.

We really should get our own passes for the show and not just take advantage of the time slots for the ones we get as part of the show. Next year I'd like to hit a panel or two, stay longer, and have the money to buy more stuff.

Live Shopping Now!

2009-07-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

For ease in selling my handcrafted showgirl goods to pay for my trip to New Orleans, I've opened up an Etsy store online. There are only two items listed right now but I wanted to put something out there since I now have a way to post photos again. I do have additional products to list after my trip to Comic-Con this weekend. I have two additional pairs of the leopard heart pasties that I'll list after the first pair sells. Stop by and make a purchase today so I'm forced to post more stock on the weekend!

My Kingdom for a Camera

2009-07-19T17:03:00.000-07:00

We bought a photo memory card reader for the camera that broke. The problem with the camera is that you can shoot photos but you can't look at them or retrieve them because the switch is broken. In a genius move, Andrew found a reader at Wal Mart for $9. We love Wal Mart. This means you can finally see photos from the World's Smallest Renn Faire! At the top of this entry, you'll see the ladies of Theatre Unleashed in the finest Renn Faire garb Pinkfouffy has to offer.

Then we have Andrew and his kilt. He made the kilt himself for this event. I just helped him with the pleats. He also made the shirt, which he discovered to be rather warm for early summer in So Cal. You can see t-shirts by artist extraordinaire Sebastian Kadlecik. (He does my handdrawn art and designed my t-shirt stencil - one of my favorite people.)

Next up are the dragon puppets Andrew and I made for the vending area at the faire. We designed the event to be kid-friendly, so we thought we should have some souvenirs just for the kids. They're modeled after the puppets we made for "Crocodile Rock" in December.

Then we have Andrew and Phil, AKA Mr. Snapper and Mr. Buddy, performing a vaudeville act designed just for this event. I love how Phil's kilt is some bright red bedsheet.

And lastly, there's me after a long day of working the door. We had face painting available, so I had them paint a fairy on my chest. I was glowing with sweat from the hot summer day.

Doom and Gloom

2009-07-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

My posts for the past couple months have often been downers. I've moaned and groaned about my job situation and my traffic ticket, bitching about my co-pay incident. I find myself doing a lot of work in my home office. Most of it doesn't pay, but it's good work. So today I'll talk about the good things in my life instead of bitching.

I got into New Orleans Burlesque Fest to perform at House of Blues. Still working on making money to go, but I'm very excited about the opportunity to perform somewhere new.
On a related note, I've been busy crafting pasties to sell to help offset my cost. I'll post photos online as soon as I can figure out a camera. (My awesome camera broke in May, so I have to find something that will take better pics than my phone.)
I'm going to be published on a dating advice website for men, and I'm going to be paid for my article. I'm working on more articles for them in hopes that I can teach men what they need to know and make money at it.
Piper just turned twelve. Holly passed away not long after she turned eleven, so we're delighted that Piper is a happy old dog (even if she smells). She jaunts around the yard and barks at the neighborhood still.
I'm plugging along at my burlesque website so that I can put it up readily when I have a job to pay for it. I've gotten some great endorsements from producers and fellow performers that I can put on that website to market myself. I'm so flattered by the endorsements I've gotten.
My short play, "@twitts," is going to be produced by Theatre Unleashed in coffee shops late this summer. I'm excited about that.
I'm finally cleaning my house! My life was so busy before that I didn't have time to do all the cleaning I should have. It's going to be easier for me to stay productive when I have a new job with a clean house.

Things are still good even though I need to make more cash. I've enjoyed the time at home.

Button Button

2009-07-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

My last PayPal button didn't work properly. If you'd like to make a general donation to my New Orleans Burlesque Fest fund, you can do so below. Watch for pasties and hair flowers for sale in the next few days.

A Family That Plays Together

2009-07-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

I really lucked out. I couldn't have found a more perfect match.

Andrew and I are performing separately as part of Supernova a-Go-Go in San Diego for Comic-Con weekend. I'm Leeloo, AKA the 5th Element. My costume is mostly bondage tape. He's Han Solo (obviously). We don't really interact during the show, but we did during the photo shoot.

This would be a perfect Christmas card if only the two dogs were in the photo.

Co-pay Woe Pay

2009-07-11T08:06:00.001-07:00

I started having horrible pain in my neck and shoulder on Sunday. After some investigation, I discovered my chiropractor would accept my insurance. This was great news because I could afford a $10 to $12 co-pay but not a regular cash visit. I scheduled my appointment for early Wednesday morning when my doctor was in.

When I set my appointment, I explained that I finally have insurance. I gave them all the numbers off my card to verify my benefits. When I got to the office, they explained to me how much my insurance would cover over a year. I had a great visit with my doctor and felt significantly better at the end.

I went to the counter to take care of my co-pay and I was told the visit was $55. That's $10 more than I paid per cash visit last year, and it's $43 more than I expected to pay since I have insurance. I asked the girl behind the desk why it was so much since I have insurance. (She wasn't the one who explained my benefits.) She looked confused then asked me to pay it so that I'm covered when they have my insurance verified by Monday. She said they'd apply the balance to my account if I overpaid or collect more if I underpaid. (I don't know how $55 for a $45 office visit could be underpaying.)

I really like my doctor. I drive out of the way to see him. However, his staff disappoints most of the time. His staff would be the reason I would change providers, which could just happen if I'm asked for another $55 on Monday.

Website in the Works

2009-07-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

I've had some down time at home lately, so I've been spending it thinking about my upcoming Red Snapper website. I didn't know much about how to put up a website or what to put on it until yesterday. I'm still working out exactly how I want to lay it out and specific content.

I had a website before, a website for me and Andrew and the dogs. I signed up with a service that had prefab templates and would host for $20 a month. I thought it would be good for both of us as artist (acting and writing), but we also had the personal aspect of the dogs. It was too confusing, more difficult to update than I hoped, and expensive with no return on investment.

After that experience, I decided to learn more about websites. I'm scratching out what I need in place so I can have a store to sell apparel, hair flowers and pasties. I'm hunting for endorsements of my product as a dancer. I'm deciding on what content will be static and what content will change regularly. My plan is to have all my website ducks in a row so that when I can pay for the site, all the necessary decisions have been made and they just need to be implemented.

Big Easy

2009-07-05T17:06:00.000-07:00

I've been accepted to perform at the New Orleans Burlesque Fest in September. I'm very excited to bring Red Snapper burlesque to a new city, and I'm also excited to go to New Orleans for the first time ever. (I grew up a few hours from Louisiana but I've never even been to Louisiana.) What's even better is that I'm performing in the late show on September 12th at the House of Blues. Holy shit! John Mayer has performed on that stage!

I submitted a number I put together for Memorial Day - Rosie the Riveter. It's cute and short. The photo to the left was shot by Dan Hendricks. I was going to submit a different number, but the technical aspects of that number (clothing made entirely of paper) were a little too complicated to risk. I'll be working the number the rest of the summer, a nice blend of classic striptease and cutesy comedy.

There's one little bugger in my big plan to dance in New Orleans: money. With that stupid traffic ticket and my questionable employment status at present, I have to generate a lot of dough to make it to New Orleans in September. The plane ticket is around $400 (about the same as flying to Boston). The hotel is $89 a night plus taxes and fees. I'm waiting to find out how much I'll have to pay for the rest of the events that weekend. And I'll have to eat and pick up another shot glass for my collection. (Andrew and I started collecting shot glasses years ago because they take up less space than coffee cups.)

I'm selling custom pasties and sparkly hair flowers to help cover my costs. I'll post photos over the next few days of what I'm selling and how much. Every item is under $20. If you know someone in the market for some showgirl accessories, send them to my blog. Of course, if you just want to throw a fistful of virtual dollars at me to help with my cause (because you find me amusing or cute or something), you can go here:

$436 Screw

2009-07-02T18:23:00.000-07:00

A little over a week ago, I went to a party a friend held to introduce people to her new skin care business. The Mapquest directions were a little tricky, but I made it there okay. Of course, I turned right at a red light from La Brea onto Rodeo. That was my fatal mistake.

This morning I got a citation in the mail for running the red light while making a right turn. I was able to view the footage online. Guilty. Of course, there were two cars that turned left on the red light (far more dangerous). Would you believe that the city has focused on ticketing people for right turns at red lights because it's easier to prove? Why bother putting the attention on the more dangerous traffic violations, like running straight through the red light or turning left on a red? There's a hideous photo of me behind the wheel on the ticket. I figured I would just pay the ticket, expecting it to be $60 or $80 since no one was crossing the street and no cars were coming.

Nope. $436. To appeal it, I have to pay the $436 first. Once they get their blood money, they're not going to care about my defense. I suspect they raised the fine for the right turns because they were easier to prove in court and because the city could make a crapload of money off the fines. A friend includes notes with her fine payments telling the city which pothole she'd like to have filled with her money.

I know my note wouldn't be nearly that cordial.

Party's Over

2009-06-29T22:00:00.000-07:00

Tracing Sonny closed yesterday. It's strange because I was so tired and scatterbrained from life that I didn't get to properly bid my show goodbye.

This show was an absolute delight from the beginning of the process to the very end. My designers were great. My cast was amazing. My crew was dedicated. The theatre company was so supportive and I got some good reviews. (I'll post those blurbs later.)

I applied my knowledge of dancing and composition to directing. I tried to create a welcoming and fun creative environment for my actors. Most of our rehearsals seemed like fucking around time. We'd share stories and talk about our days and tell horrible jokes, then get a lot done in a short period. Because it was a small cast, I could work around the last minute work and illnesses. I went to almost every show, started giving ridiculous pep talks before the shows and hanging out with them during intermission. In fact, one of my ridiculous pep talks led to the art on my thank you card from the cast.

You see, I wanted to entertain them and distract them so any pre-show nerves would be forgotten. (My dad tried the same tactic before walking me down the aisle, declaring that he was gassy. Of course, I wasn't nervous but it was hilarious just the same.) The story was about a random statue that I saw at a store on Melrose. The story sounded obscene so I brought it around and gave them some "the moral of the story is" bullshit. So the ever gifted Sebastian Kadlecik (one of my cast members and the artist who cranks out awesome Snapper art for me) drew the cover of the card based on my description. The custom card and the messages inside validated my work far more than any reviews.

It was fun, kids. Let's do it again sometimes.

Under the Influence

2009-06-26T09:46:00.000-07:00

There's a new documentary out that stars one of my earliest burlesque instructors, Miss Indigo Blue. The film, A Wink and a Smile, follows some girls as they pursue a six-week education in burlesque and striptease that culminates in their performance debut.

Indigo is pretty, shapely and hammy. She performed the night before the film opened in Los Angeles, and I was there to do pick up. She's an amazing comedienne and makes such great faces. I realized how much she's influenced me. I make big faces. It's amazing.

If you find yourself in Seattle, take her classes. She's a very patient and caring teacher.

Becoming a Better Dancer #4

2009-06-24T09:24:00.001-07:00

I'm always trying to improve my skill. It's challenging to step into the dance world when one is no longer a pup, especially when everyone else it seems has been at it since they learned to walk.

Christopher Walken is better known these days for his speech pattern than his dancing skill. Old fella still had moves a few years back.

Cat People

2009-06-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

I don't hate cats. I'm just very allergic to them. I recognize that many people get cats because they don't feel they have the lifestyles to accommodate dogs. (Cats really are no substitute for dogs, but I digress.) I have dogs and I love dogs and I'm not allergic to dogs.

My neighbor has cats. He's pretty good about keeping his cats inside. Over three years, I can't say I've ever actually seen his cats. I've seen cats, but they were too mangy to be his cats. Neighborhood animals crawl into my yard and think it's their home. Our dogs have chased off bunnies, neighborhood small dogs (not strays) and cats o' plenty in the time we've been here. Piper caught the neighbor's tiny dog once and shook the hell out of it, and Felicity caught a random kitten, shook it and frightened it to death. We check our yard before we let the dogs outside because we don't want to deal with another dead body, and we want to remain on good terms with our neighbors even if they're the ones not properly managing their pets.

We've had an abundance of cats in our yard lately. We check the yard, but sometimes they hide under the car or on the back stoop. Hell, a couple cats in heat fought on our front porch last week while we were sleeping. It was as if we suddenly grew a bunch of cats. Where the hell did all these cats come from? Couldn't they tell that our yard wasn't a safe haven for them when my big dogs with fangs came out to run around? What would attract them to my yard?

My neighbor has been putting out food for the strays. I discovered it Thursday and I was pissed. I saw a cute little kitten that was probably from the same litter as the one Felicity scared to death. The cats walk through my yard to get to the viddles. Damn it! I'm trying to chase the cats away for their own safety, and my neighbor is luring them in. Fucking cat people.

Substituting

2009-06-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

I helped a friend co-produce a show last night. The regular co-producer was out of town so I stepped in to help. I was surprisingly calm through all the glitches -- the oil puddle on stage, the music issues, the accidental redistribution of pay because of a misunderstanding, the unnecessary apologies to the audience. The show went well and people loved it, so that's what's important in the end.

I did learn more about myself as a producer. Generally, it's better for me to produce something myself or with Andrew. I know exactly what is going on, what's done and what's not done when it's all being run out of my household. I do ask for help and I delegated tasks for the really big show, but I was running it so I knew things were getting done. It wasn't clear exactly what parts of the producer hat I was responsible for, but I probably should've made a checklist for this show. I do work well with Theatre Unleashed since I know exactly who handles what part of the production, and I know they know they're responsible for that part just as I'm responsible for my part of the production. I guess the trick to co-producing is knowing what the other person is doing and thinking, and knowing what parts of the producer hat need to be covered.

Kids, take a lesson from me on this one. Know what's expected of you. (I probably should've pestered the real co-producer I was replacing for this show what tasks she covers. Oops.) But at least we didn't burn the place down, right?

2009-06-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

As you know, dear reader, I decided to make the jump from my day job of seven plus years into the world of temping. I enjoyed school this spring and have already paid for my fall classes. I'm very busy with the theatre company and my burlesque career, and I try to have some semblance of a normal home life.

Knowing my services weren't needed as much and that I'd tapped out my earning potential at that job, I gave notice over six weeks ago that I was leaving. The people are very nice at that job and they do good things, but it was time for me to mosey. I gave a nice, long runway to my departure so there was plenty of time to train a replacement for the tasks that were still needed.

Last Monday I was offered to continue with this office doing very limited functions for a set pay rate each week. I had intended last week to be my final week and made myself available to temp agencies starting this week. While the money was appealing, I was going to continue just to help them out. One day of pay at this rate was still less than a week full of temp work, even if the hourly rate was higher.

Now that I have work lined up, it's going to be difficult for me to continue to help in the hours I have available. I put in my notice to leave. I want to help as they're good people, but it feels more like an obligation ... or an albatross. I think it will be better for everyone if I just leave completely and move on with my life.

Snapper Toons

2009-06-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

I was very fortunate to get to perform and model for Dr. Sketchy's Anti Art School in Las Vegas this weekend during the Burlesque Hall of Fame Reunion. (Thanks to Cha Cha Velour for having me. What a sweetie!) It was great to perform for new people. I did my Tiki Room dance, then I posed for 20 minutes so I could be sketched and photographed.

We each got to create our own contest for the artists. Since I just finished directing a play about a cartoon artists, I made my contest best comic strip. There were some incredible images. Here's the winner's comic strip:

She managed to see right into my soul. I love "Lost." (Since my camera is broken, I had to shoot these with my camera phone. The comic is three panels.)

I didn't get to see all of the artwork when I judged the contest. This gem was made by T.J. Rappel of Krus herVision. Wowza. It's incredible. I was two seats away from him at Saturday night's Exotic World competition, and I found out he had the sketch for me to see at his booth. I saw it Sunday morning and fell in love with it, begging him to let me take it. The camera phone photo doesn't do it justice. I can't wait to frame it and put it on my wall.

It was such a joy to participate in Dr. Sketchy's Las Vegas. I really hope I'm invited back next year.

How to Survive in Vegas for Three Days Without Deodorant

2009-06-10T09:53:00.001-07:00

Wow. I just typed that title. Hilarious.

Let me first explain myself because the premise sounds pretty disgusting. I'm very particular about my deodorant. I can't wear the stuff that feels waxy. I don't like mixing scents so I stay away from powder-scented spray deodorant or surf-scented roll on. The deodorant stones say to dampen them but they don't really work unless you douse them and re-wet for your second application. I use unscented roll on deodorant that isn't full of chemicals, and it works fairly well when I'm not too distracted in the morning to apply it. My roll on deodorant doesn't travel well; it has a tendency to leak on everything. I couldn't put it in my single carry on suitcase and risk it leaking all over my costume for Burlesque Hall of Fame Reunion Weekend.

As I've proven before, antibacterial gel works as a great deodorant substitute in a pinch. My plan was to get a travel bottle between the opening of my show and the airport. Didn't happen. When I reached the hotel/casino, I checked the gift shop for some antibacterial gel. They were out. They had wipes but I suspect those wouldn't work the same. I was still fine from my Saturday morning application of deodorant at home when I wandered the casino. To my surprise, they had antibacterial gel dispensers in the huge bathrooms on the casino floor. So for the remainder of Saturday, Sunday and early Monday, I used the antibacterial gel from the dispensers to smell fresh for free. I didn't smell like a chili dog once.

Open

2009-06-04T19:26:00.000-07:00

My play opens tonight. It's nice to see something come to fruition after investing months of work into it. I'm very proud of the work I've done directing this show, the work Andrew did writing it, and the work of all of my actors. I have some great designers, and the members of Theatre Unleashed have all given their support.

The opening of a show is bittersweet. I'm glad the rehearsals are through so my evenings are opened up again. I'm glad I won't have to spend the majority of my days and nights in the theatre making sure the technical elements are ready to go. I'm glad I'm done fighting with the multimedia element. It will be nice to deliver a final product to an audience.

The sad part is sending the five year-old off to school for the first day. Rehearsals have been so fun. My actors are awesome. The material has been a joy to direct. I have to take my hands off it now.

I leave you with the above photo from our early rehearsals. We blocked the play at an office in the Valley so we didn't have proper platforms. We tamed the sea of pink rolling chairs and black tables to create our set for rehearsals. I think we were blocking part of the first act that night. You can see my entire cast in this crappy cell phone photo: (L-R) Sylvia Anderson, Vanessa Hurd, Jacob Smith and Sebastian Kadlecik. If you're near L.A., you have to see this show. It'll make you laugh and cry.

My Recycling Attempt

2009-06-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, we would stake out territories for aluminum can recycling. I think I got one garbage can in the house and my brother got a can in the shop, and my other brother probably got the outside garbage can. I remember all three of us would load up the car with our individual trash bags of aluminum for recycling, maybe once a month or so. We could keep the money from our efforts, so it felt really rewarding to get between $2 and $5 per trash bag of cans.

We started recycling when we moved into this house. We have the blue recycling trash can, so we would throw our cans, plastic and glass bottles into it and wheel it out whenever it was full. Of course, our back porch was always packed with empty recyclables until we made the time to fill the can. A couple months ago, Andrew had the bright idea to sort our recyclables. The people who pilfer the garbage cans on trash day eve would probably leave our cans alone if they knew we didn't put anything of value in them. We set up boxes for cardboard and newsprint, plastic bottles and containers, and aluminum and glass. We had this idea that we could take our glass and aluminum to the local recycler and make some moolah.

Our internet was out over the weekend, so we found we had the time to see if the experiment paid off. We separated our aluminum (2 cans, some foil wads and a Jiffy Pop pan) from our glass (about 50 beer bottles, 3 pickle jars, 3 spaghetti sauce jars and a Jack Daniels bottle). The aluminum wouldn't even fill a plastic grocery bag so we threw it in our blue can. We filled two kitchen garbage bags with the bottles and headed to the plant. I figured that if we made at least $5, it was worth 20 minutes of our lives.

I now understand why people steal grocery carts and haunt the streets for recyclables. We got $2.50 for all that glass. Wow. We may continue taking our glass to the recycler, but only when we have at least 50 bottles. The rest is too much sugar for a nickel.

The Importance of Mentors

2009-06-02T08:10:00.000-07:00

I've had the good fortune to study with a number of successful and talented burlesque performers. There's a lot to be said about having good teachers. There's also a lot to be said about having good mentors. My mentors have always been open to answering any questions I had about the business, generously telling me what I wanted to know.

When I was in Boston, I had the pleasure of having lunch with Jo Boobs. I love Jo. She's had more influence over my artistic choices than I'm sure she knows. Back in 2007, I bought her e-book (soon to be a for-realsies book) after a burlesque pole class, and it sent me down the path. I love Jo. Love her. She's smart and has so much artistic integrity.

Anyway, there are things you learn about the world of burlesque (touring, competitions, choices) when you sit down with someone who knows. Those aren't things you typically get out of a class. Those candid conversations are validating and educational. Sit down with a mentor in your field if you get the chance. I felt so good about my pursuits after that lunch. Also, I love Jo.

Over and Done

2009-05-30T10:23:00.001-07:00

I find myself in the final days at my current job. I'm still going to help out on a specific function for a very limited time, just until they can figure out who can handle those very specific and complex functions. I'm fairly certain everyone knows I'm leaving.

I've been working a limited schedule the past few weeks to wean them off my presence. What's hilarious is that some of my co-workers are trying to give jobs back to me that they know and should be doing.

And the most hilarious part is that I got a phone call from one of them as I typed this blog. How will they function?

My Big, Fat Fundraiser

2009-05-27T23:23:00.000-07:00

Last year there were three Burlesque Hall of Fame fundraisers in Los Angeles. I danced in two of them. Local producers have faced challenges with venues and schedules this year, so no one was able to host the Burlesque Hall of Fame fundraiser for L.A. Because I'm crazy and love biting off more than I can apparently chew, I decided to produce the event this year. I did it between two huge written finals during one of my last weeks at my current job, and the week before my play opens. I'm still patting myself on the back.

I had 40 performers in this show. Twenty of them were students of Striptease Symposium, so they were well-organized, well-managed and very professional. Their instructors were on hand to help many of them through their group burlesque debut. That made life so much easier. The rest of the performers were professionals, so the greatest challenge I had outside of coordinating the whole thing was answering the questions of many people at once. I had an incredible crew and a wonderful support staff who assisted throughout the evening. At least 25% of my cast had experience producing shows, so the questions I was asked were important.

After raffles, a donation from L.A. Burlesque and paying for the theatre from the door revenue, we made $1076 for the Burlesque Hall of Fame. We had a theatre full of paying patrons. We had a huge multi-level stage with a curtain and a follow spot. We had a dressing room with its own bathrooms. It was a fun evening. I'm very proud of the work everyone did. I'll probably be involved in the fundraiser next year.

My First Yoga Class

2009-05-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

One of my friends was getting her yoga certification and needed guinea pigs. She's a phenomenal dance teacher so I knew her yoga class would be awesome. Today was her last day to teach to get certified, and today was my first day to actually make it to class. (I bagged work this morning since I'm leaving in a few weeks so reducing my hours is a good idea.)

Twelve hours later and I am still sore. Yoga is different from Pilates. You're still lengthening your muscles and stretching, but it seems have less activity than Pilates. It's still pretty damn intense. I stretched things I didn't know I had. I understand why so many people tout yoga since it requires focus and relaxation. I was ready for a nap immediately after the class.

Of course, I still went to my Pilates class in the afternoon. I think that's part of the reason I'm so sore.

Eight Rehearsals Left

2009-05-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

I put together my schedule last night to invite designers and executives to see rehearsals of my play, and I realized I have eight rehearsals left before my two tech rehearsals before opening. The show is in great shape, but I'm running out of time to tinker.

There's something sad about realizing there are only eight rehearsals left: these are our final days together in this circumstance. We'll work with each other again but never in this same circumstance. We'll have four weeks of great shows and a few parties in between to celebrate the accomplishment. After that, everyone will scatter to the four winds. Getting everyone in the same room to have fun is challenging if not impossible after the show ends. I've tried it with other shows; it doesn't happen or it's just not the same.

But in the meantime, I have eight rehearsals to sculpt this into absolute perfection.

Oh No!

2009-05-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

I was going to blog about how great things went with the World's Smallest Renn Faire this weekend and share photos. When I hooked my camera up to the computer, I found the switch that changes it from shooting to preview was missing. I can't pull photos if I can't switch it to preview. Grrr.

Then I found the missing switch, put it in the camera and NOTHING! It's broken on the inside. No clue how it happened but I have to get it fixed before I can share Renn Faire photos. :(

Here's Something Light And Fluffy

2009-05-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

My posts have been a bit serious lately. Let's take a break from that, shall we?

I rarely drink. Alcohol is too great for weight gain for me to make it a regular habit. That, and I spent my early teen years with ready booze access. This is a photo of me in Boston after multiple drinks after many years of rare drinking.

You see, my friend and I were celebrating our participation in the Boston Burlesque Expo. We celebrated with booze. We closed down the bar then took the party to someone's room. Good times. I sobered up in the room so I could sleep in peace and hopefully wake up without a hangover.

I shot this photo of myself right before I headed down the escalator to the bathroom. There may have been a bathroom on the same floor as the bar but it wasn't terribly obvious. At this point in the evening, I really had to concentrate on my movement so I didn't fall over and hurt myself in my girly shoes. As I rode down the escalator, I saw my roommate in the glass elevator. I used drunken sign language to indicate to her that we were all in the bar, and I nearly got scraped off the escalator because I reached the bottom as I was still gesturing.

Enjoy this photo. It's a rarity.

What Happens Now?

2009-05-13T23:08:00.000-07:00

It's been close to two weeks since I gave notice at my day job. I felt great today as I compiled oodles of write-ups of parts of my job. I haven't announced to everyone in the office that I'm leaving; I'm pretty sure my boss has done that. I've also passed over some pieces of my job to the people who should be doing those very things since I went back to school in February.

I find myself at a rather strange crossroads. My workload will decrease over the coming weeks as I continue to turn things over. I've made myself available for temp work through one agency on Thursdays and Fridays, but I don't know that I'll hear anything from them before I'm free for summer. I may be unemployed for a couple weeks for the first time in twelve years. That means no income for a couple weeks ... or more. It's a scary prospect.

I guess I could always spend that time choreographing, building costumes or (gulp) cleaning.

Addicts

2009-05-12T08:26:00.000-07:00

California has this "hands-free" cell phone law so you can't hold your phone up to your ear while you drive. As a pre-emptive strike (before the law went into effect), I bought Bluetooths for me and Andrew early last year. We wore those cheap gadgets into the ground, and found they were useful for more than just driving. I'm a multi-tasker when I can be. If I can talk on the phone with family and fold laundry at the same time, I will do just that. My day job has a lot of cell phone calls from the boss, so I could talk to him on my Bluetooth and type at the same time. I've even put on false eyelashes while talking on the phone because of the convenience of the Bluetooth.

A month ago, I lost my Bluetooth in Boston. I felt like I couldn't communicate with anyone because I'd been hands-free in life for well over a year. It wasn't like I just lost a gadget but more like I lost the convenience of communication. So I've struggled for a month, putting people on speaker phone, cutting conversations short and just sending text messages based on voicemails. It sucks. Andy found my Bluetooth, but it hasn't arrived in the mailbox yet so I'm still Bluetoothless. And to top it all off, Andrew, great hater of Bluetooth, left his in the pocket of his pants and laundered it yesterday. Now we're both Bluetoothless and angry about it. Looks like I have a trip to the Verizon store in my future before we both lose our minds.

World Turning

2009-05-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy time for me. We'll go point by point so you don't miss out on anything.

Tracing Sonny rehearsals are going well. Love my cast, love the piece. I have rehearsals keeping me busy at night.
I got an A on my second film history test (third highest grade in the class). I have a ton of study to do in the next three weeks for the final.
My ballet class is totally kicking my ass. I have to keep at it so maybe one day I'll have the grace of a real ballerina. Not there yet. I really hope I pass my final -- a dance to an entire Mozart piece.
I'm putting together a new number to the song "Paper Doll" by the Mills Brothers. I'm making a paper costume and everything. I hope I get it done in time.
And lastly for this update, I put in my notice at work on Monday. It's perfect timing because the big boss wants to do some restructuring in the company, so a lot of my hats will be passed back to the people who should be wearing them. My plan is to be gone from there by June 13th so everything is turned over properly, but I may be done sooner. I have an interview with a temp agency tomorrow so I can hopefully get a full day of work a week while I finish school this semester, then fill up my summer with work.

Easter Zombies

2009-05-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

Before Andy's big party, we stopped at a taco place in Cambridge for me to get some Mexican food. (For those of you playing along at home, tacos are the official food of Los Angeles burlesque. We eat a lot of tacos and talk about the tacos that we eat. It's ridiculous.)

From the taco place, we had a lovely view of zombies. That's right -- zombies. On Easter. The Boston Zombie Outbreak is an annual thing. Folks dress up like zombies and lurch down the streets of Cambridge in their Sunday best (more or less). I saw bloody handprints on the window of the CVS as we walked back to Andy's place. There were a lot of people. It took a good five minutes or so for the zombie parade to clear the taco place. It was pretty cool. Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if something like that happened in L.A.

How I Spent My Easter Vacation

2009-04-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

This is a little late. but at least it's a post with photos, right?

As you know, I went to Boston for the Boston Burlesque Expo over Easter weekend. You know most of the story there. What you may not know is that I spent my Easter Sunday with my college pal, Andy. Andy has a theatre company in Cambridge. When he picked me up from the airport that Friday, we compared notes on our companies. Sunday was playtime.

As tired as I was from the competition and party the night before (more on that later), I still had a great time at Andy's annual Easter egg hunt. We hid eggs early in the afternoon and barbecued later. He said it was very competitive so we had to hide the eggs really well. So I started hiding them under smashed beer cans, inside the barbecue grill, in the opening of a 5-gallon water jug and under the drink mixer cups. The barbecue and party portion of the day were fun. I ate so much food. Andy burned a hole in the back porch because the coals were still hot and I guess he abandoned them for the party. It was fun. I wish I hadn't been so tired all day.

A Turned Table

2009-04-25T00:54:00.000-07:00

I rarely direct. I'm usually on the actor side of things. Of course, I jumped at the opportunity to direct Andrew's latest play, Tracing Sonny, for Theatre Unleashed. As tends to happen with his work, I've known about the project from the start (2006) and have watched it grow into a full-length script that is at the last stages of workshopping, hitting the stage the first weekend of June.

It's no big secret that I love actors. I've learned so much from sitting in auditions as a reader, choreographer and producer. Something I've noticed as a director is that the audition is all business. The actors come in with perfectly polished monologues. Of course, they've spent lots of time with those monologues and should know every nuance from performing it so much. The audition is all about the game face. The actors keep their game faces on as they do their monologues and fumble through the cold readings, all very business-like. With all this business going on, it's a challenge to see the vulnerable artist and weigh how your creativity as the director will blend with theirs. But they tend to be pretty damn good at the audition.

Then you get into rehearsals. That's where you get to see the vulnerable artist. The actors don't have the same familiarity with the material that they have with their monologues. They make weak choices, wrong choices or no choices at all. They stumble through the words and do their best to connect the director's arbitrary blocking notes with the script. I'm not complaining; this is part of the process and I recognize this as both an actor and a director. The important thing is to give the actors the opportunity to find their way with the material so it's as familiar as those audition monologues. I know I have to give them the chance to get good, just like I want directors (and choreographers) to give me the chance to get good.

So if you find yourself in the position of director, choreographer, producer or supervisor, give the folks on your team a chance to get good. You brought them on for a reason, and chances are that they won't disappoint if you do your part to set them in the right direction and give them the space to make mistakes.

How to Convention

2009-04-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know I used it as an infinitive verb. I'm a genius so I'm allowed to make nouns into active verbs and create my own terms. :)

I've been to a couple dance conventions. Here are the things I recommend to anyone attending a dance convention, and these things are totally applicable to other conventions as well.

Always have business cards on you. Give them to anyone who wants to know more about you, anyone you share more than a few words with, anyone who will take one. Don't be annoying about it, but have them ready. I have a business card case that I fill, and I carry a box with plenty of extras in my luggage.
Always network. What I mean is make friends. I had trouble networking as an actor because I felt like a fake, like I was just supposed to talk to people with my industry goals in mind. I find that making genuine friendships is far better than just making connections. You have no idea where the next job is coming from and you don't want to seem needy or pushy. Just make friends with people, get to know them and you'd be surprised what can happen.
Take all the classes, seminars, workshops you can. If there's a class offered at a convention, take it. I learned so much from the handful of classes I attended in Boston. Take advantage of the concentration of information that might not be available to you elsewhere.
Be generous. Help people. Use good manners. No need to be pissy with people. Again, you have no idea where the next job is coming from.

One Gram

2009-04-20T17:25:00.000-07:00

I made a burlesque blog! Go check it out.

Push Button Excitement

2009-04-17T10:13:00.001-07:00

I have a co-worker who called me with this idea that's supposed to make us both lots of money. It was a cell phone call so it cut out a couple times. I was also in the middle of something else when he called.

Bless his heart, he expected me to automatically be excited about this thing. It's something that involves me doing more work and getting more potential pay, but there's no agreement in writing and I've gotten the Joan Collins special before in situations like this.

I told him I'd probably get more excited if I could see it in writing. When you tell someone to put something in writing, it makes it more official. It proves that the originator cares enough about that thing to take the time to put pen to paper. It shows that there's some commitment to the idea. It also safeguards against Joan Collins specials regarding that thing. That's how to get push button excitement from me -- write it down.